


Perfectly Shattered

by mrnaylor930



Category: Castle, Castle (TV) RPF
Genre: Episode: s03e24 Knockout, F/M, Recovery, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-03-29 18:59:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 35,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3907081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrnaylor930/pseuds/mrnaylor930
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>3x24 post-ep. AU. The gunshot damages her spine and leaves Beckett paralyzed."This is going to break her, but losing you, that would shatter her."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been hours. Hours since he let go of her hand, hours since he has seen her face, hours since he washed her blood off his hands, hours since he tumbled into the ambulance beside her, hours since she was laid out dying beneath him on the bright green grass, hours since he first told her he loves her, hours since the bullet ripped through her skin and their lives changed forever.  
He sits by her bedside endlessly. Waiting and hoping for a twitch, a sign, anything that will let him know she will be okay. But she is frozen in time. Her dark hair spread out under her head a sharp contrast to the unusual paleness of her skin and the stark white hospital sheets.  
She doesn’t even look like Kate, not his Kate. The mere sight of her after the almost five hour surgery was heart stopping, she was just a shell of the maddening, challenging, frustrating person he had ever met.  
He would give anything for just one more eye roll, one more smart comment, one more eyebrow quirk, one more of her shy smiles, anything. He would wait another hundred years to hold her in his arms if she would just open her eyes.  
Everyone is down the hall waiting for news. Her father had been in earlier, but the sight of his daughter wasting away was just too much. Rick volunteered whole heartedly to be with her. Lanie, Espo, Jenny and Ryan, Alexis, and Martha were all huddled in the ICU waiting room.  
There wasn’t a lot of information. The doctors had revealed the internal damage, however, the extent of her injuries had yet to be seen. They would have more answers if, no when, she woke up.  
The bullet had struck low. Too low. Ripping through her stomach. Twenty- five feet less distance between her and the shooter and the bullet would have ripped through her spine. They removed the bullet and all of the fragments. They been able to repair the various organs that had been nicked and put everything back together again. The danger now was how much affect the bullet and surgery had had on her spine. Judging by the look on the surgeons exhausted face, it didn’t look good.  
He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything but seeing the gorgeous green-brown eyes open again.  
She was covered in wires and tubes. One breathing for her, one draining an unidentified liquid from her spine, one comforting him with the constant beating of her heart, one keeping a constant stream of drugs into her system, and too many others to name. The only unaffected piece of her was her left hand. That hand became his life line. He held onto it as if his life depended on it, to be honest he wasn’t completely certain that it didn’t.  
He had never felt this helpless in all of his life. There was absolutely nothing he could do for her, no amount of money or connection could help her now. So he sat by her side and begged her to fight, begged her to hold on for him, to open her eyes for him, because he loved her. He loved her.  
It had come spilling out of his heart as she closed her eyes on the too bright grass. Now that he had gotten it out there was no way he was going to be able to stop. He loved her. Always. 

KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBK

It had been three days. Three of the longest days of his life. Three days of silence. Three days before it all exploded.  
He had dozed off when it happened. His head resting next to their twined fingers on the bed. He hadn’t slept, really slept, since she was shot. His mother and Alexis had brought him some things from home. He just couldn’t bear to leave her.  
He had just let himself slip under when the alarms went off, literally. Her hand twitched slightly, but he chalked it up to no sleep and wishful thinking. Not three minutes later the room erupted. Four machines all blaring at once. He whipped his head up to see a wild eyed, thrashing Kate Beckett. She was terrified and confused and in pain. His heart broke for the millionth time in the last three days.  
The nurses rushed in with the doctors on their heels. The alarms were still screaming and the attending doctors yelled codes and orders above them. He tried to get to her. To grab hold of her hand again, to comfort her. Run her fingers through her hair and tell her she would be okay, to tell her that he was there and they would be okay. But he was just pushed farther away. He tried to break into the hustle around her bed, but before he knew it he was being pushed out the door. It slammed in his face before he could even utter her name.  
Again he was helpless. But she was awake and that was the best thing that had happened in the last three days, longer than that really. His emotions were all out of whack and all he wanted to do was run into her room, take her into his arms, and take all her pain away. He was exhausted and relieved and worried and he finally gave in to everything he was feeling. He slid down the wall and finally broke down. Finally allowed himself to feel everything that he had been trying to hold back.  
Sobbing into his knees he didn’t even register her room door opening and all of the doctors filing out. 

KBKBKBKBKBKBBKBKKBKBBKBKBKBKKB

He found Jim after the embarrassingly long time it took him to pull himself together. His heart stopped when he walked into her room and found it empty except for Jim Beckett slumped over in a chair with his head in his hands. The gasp caused the older man to look up and see the terrified man in the doorway.  
“No, no. Relax Rick. She’s alright… well she will be.” He didn’t sound too convinced but Rick breathed a sigh of relief anyway. “They just took her down for some extended tests.”  
“She was lucky she didn’t hurt herself anymore when she woke up. Luckily, they got her sedated and resting peacefully after only a few minutes. They took her breathing tube out and removed some of the wires now that they know she can breathe on her own. They assured me that it’s a step in the right direction, but they really don’t have anything more to report. I guess we will know more when they get back.” He was rambling, the calm, cool, and collected Jim Beckett was a mess. It put Rick on edge and he could tell that there was more Jim was choosing not to say.  
“That’s good to hear.” Rick was surprised that his voice was anything other than a squeak.  
“Pull up a seat, son.” Rick pulled a seat from the other side of the room and came to sit beside the older man. “There’s one more thing I think you should know…”  
Jim took a deep breath before breathing out the four words they had all been afraid of “she can’t move her legs.”


	2. Chapter 2

It was another hour before they brought her back. She still didn't look like Kate and she definitely didn't look like Detective Beckett, but some of the wires and machines had been removed. There was no longer a tube shoved down her throat and she appeared to be resting peacefully. Her doctors went out in the hall with Jim while Rick stayed behind to watch over her.  
He sat awkwardly beside her, afraid to even take her hand. She looked so fragile, like she would completely shatter if he so much as breathed wrong. He simply stared at her, trying to commit every last fiber of her to memory.  
Jim returned after a few minutes looking even worse than before if that was possible, and Rick was glad he had decided to stay behind. He stood and walked over to stand beside Jim where he stood at the end of her bed.  
"It doesn't look good for her, Rick. They ran some tests. She was awake, but not exactly coherent. She can't move her legs…at all. They say that she probably will never get full range of motion back. Her spinal cord is all out of whack. It was a lot of medical talk, but basically everything above the shot is fine, or it will be after a while. Everything below the shot..use less."  
Use less. That's how this whole situation felt. Just use less. Montgomery died to protect her, to stop them from coming, yet they came anyway. He could do nothing for her. There was no cure, no surgery, nothing to repair the damage that had been done.  
She would never be a detective again, never be able to go for a run, or walk down the aisle at the grocery store. Oh God. She would never walk down the aisle wearing all white. Never run after her kids at the park. There were so many things that she would never do.  
"They say she may regain some strength. There are some surgeries that she can have a couple years down the road, once everything is fully healed, but there are no guarantees."  
Rick couldn't take it anymore. He took a few staggered steps and flopped down in one of the two chairs beside her bed. He rested his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees as he let out an impossibly long sigh, trying to make sense of all that was happening around him.  
He felt a hand on his shoulder as Jim came to stand beside him.  
"Don't worry, son. Our Katie, she's a strong one. She'll make it through this, I'm sure of it." Rick couldn't help but feel that this was backwards. It was Jim's daughter lying in the bed, not his. He should be the one to offer comforting words and support. Before he could protest, though, Jim began again.  
"Just one thing, though?"  
"Anything," He was surprised that he was able to find his voice so fast.  
"She's going to fight this. She is going to refuse any and all help, even when she knows that she cannot do it alone. She is going to get mad and selfish and blow up at anyone who tries to tell her that she can't do something.  
"Please just be there for her. Don't let her push you away and don't stop pushing back. This has broken her, but losing you, that would shatter her."  
"I'm not going anywhere, sir."  
They shook hands and Jim said he needed to go for a walk, clear his head, and work some things out. Rick knew that Jim couldn't bear to just sit by his daughter. He needed to do something, go somewhere, to feel needed and productive. Rick had a feeling that it had a lot to do with losing his wife and trying his best not to slip back into the dark place Kate had pulled him out of many years ago.  
So he sat by her side for the next few hours. The doctors had given her medicine to knock her out and help with the pain. A nurse or doctor came in to check on her every half hour, but other than that they were alone.  
He talked to her about everything he could think of and when he ran out of things to talk about he read to her from the stack of books Alexis had put in the bottom of the last bag of clothes and supplies she had dropped off.  
He had gone home briefly to shower and refresh, but he had been mostly living by her side. He wouldn't leave her. He didn't want her to wake up alone. So he sat by her side and tried to think of what to say to her when she woke up.  
He was afraid that she didn't hear him, and afraid that she had. He wouldn't deny that he loved her, but he didn't want to complicate her life more than it had already been complicated. He couldn't bear to cause her more pain. He also didn't want her to push him away, like she had done every time it seemed like they took a step forward.  
He wanted to be there for her and help her through this. He had made a promise to her father and to himself that whatever happened he would be there. He would be her rock, if that's what she needed. He was going to do everything in his power to help her make it through this; because her father was right and this was going to break her and he was going to be there to pick up the pieces and put her all back together, whether she wanted him there or not.  
He looked up from "War and Peace" from which he had been reading for the last hour, he knew she loved Russian literature, to find her staring up at him weakly. She offered him a small half smile, which quickly turned into a wince.  
He was speechless. He literally had no idea what to say to her. He was so happy and relieved that she was finally awake. But her waking up meant that the bubble of ignorance that sleep provided her would have to be shattered and she would have to be told the truth. Her whole world would be turned on its end and it appeared that it would have to be him.  
He hadn't wanted to be the one to tell her, but her father still wasn't back and there was no way he was going to let a stranger be the one to tell her. He knew that he couldn't stall her long enough. He would just have to man up and be there to help her cope.  
Before he could decide what he was going to say or do, she spoke.  
"Hey, Castle."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come soon!


	3. Chapter 3

It had been the worst hour of his life, no question. He hadn’t even had a chance to reply to her weak ‘Hey, Castle’ before she realized something was very wrong. He had watched as her brow furrowed in confusion. He didn’t let her ask the question he saw in her eyes. He took a deep breath and began his tale.  
He started at the funeral, informed/reminded (he didn’t know which) her that she had been shot as gently as he could. He told her about all of the people who had been here supporting her throughout the whole ordeal, and gestured to the swiftly accumulating flowers all around her bed. Then came the hard stuff. He told her everything he knew about the surgery, which was probably not enough to satisfy her curiosity, but it was enough for now. He watched her as she shifted and winced as she confirmed where she had been cut into.  
She was completely silent the whole way through. It scared him. He didn’t know if it was because she was in pain or confused or a combination of both, but it was unnerving. She was not Kate.  
He broke eye contact when he came to the end of his speech. He couldn’t bear to look into her gorgeous eyes as he broke her. As soon as he uttered the words she crumbled. He suspected that by the time he vocalized it she already knew. He was certain she had already worked it out, but it took him confirming it with his words to really make it real.  
He had never seen her like that. He had imagined nineteen year old Kate Beckett in the days following her mother’s death, but that was nothing compared to seeing the real thing.  
He had known there was no other way. Stringing her along, sugar coating, and stalling was not the way to deal with Kate Beckett. She was a homicide detective and she needed all of the facts laid out for her as fast as possible. She would never have stood for anything else.  
He knew that he needed to call a doctor, tell someone that she was awake, and let them make sure she was truly okay. But with her in pieces beside him, all rational thought left his head.  
When he looked up at her, her whole body was frozen. He had imagined her reaction many times since he found out, but none of them were this. He had thought she would cry, fight, or try to deny it. He had imagined her curling up and crying it all out. In some of his scenarios she yelled at him and blamed him for the whole thing, told him he was useless and to get out. In his favorite scenario she had let him comfort her in her time of need. Let him hold her while she broke down. He hadn’t even ruled out the possibility of a panic attack; but all of that, he thought, would be better than reality.  
She just stared straight ahead, never even looked in his direction. Her face never flinched, he wasn’t even sure that she was blinking. There were no tears and no fight, there was only unnerving silence.  
“Kate?” He prodded gently. No response.  
“Kate.” He said a little bit louder as he stepped towards her. Still nothing. There wasn’t even so much as a twitch.  
“Kate,” In any other circumstance he would have been embarrassed by the pathetic voice in which he said her name, “please say something, anything.”  
Nothing. He came to stand right beside her bed and took her hand. It was completely limp in his as he brought it up to his lips and kissed it.  
He refused to break in front of him. He didn’t let the tears fall, but they were shining on the surface.  
“I’m so sorry, Kate, so sorry.” He didn’t know what to do for her. There was nothing else to say. Nothing he said or did was going to magically cure her.  
He allowed himself another moment to be with her. He knew that it would be a while before they would be alone together again. There were doctors and nurses and therapists that would push him out of the room as soon as he pressed the red button next to her bed.  
He leaned against her bed and rubbed circles over her hand with his thumb. He looked into her glassed over eyes. He could see the complete hopelessness and confusion shining beneath the surface and it broke his heart.  
Eventually he let go, he placed her hand back on the bed and pressed the button to call the nurses. They were in the room within seconds. He briefly recounted what she knew and the time she had been awake, before he pushed out of the room and down the hall.  
He slumped down in the first waiting room chair he found and dropped his head into his hands. The whole situation was a mess, and it just kept getting more and more tangled. He suspected that this was not the worst part either.  
There was a long, mountainous road ahead for her and she had barely just begun. He just hoped that she wouldn’t fight to keep him out of her life, because no matter what happened he didn’t intend to leave her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 coming right up!


	4. Chapter 4

She spent fourteen more days in the hospital. She spent most of her time sleeping, or feigning sleep. He was pretty sure that she only truly slept when her body gave out on her. She was mostly silent and indifferent. She barely drank and refused to eat. She was wasting away even as her wounds healed more every day.  
Her father was there every day in the beginning. He begged her to look at him, speak to him, even to acknowledge his presence, but she just kept up her little sleeping act and they all let her. After a while he came every other day and kept up with her condition via text and call to Castle.  
Castle never wavered. He sat with her for as long as they would let him; and sometimes, when he sensed that she had an especially rough day, he would persuade the nurses to allow him to stay throughout the night.  
Everyone else would stop by every few days, but she was always “asleep”. She never even cracked an eye. They all understood. She was forgiven and no one would ever dream of holding it against him. And they continued to come to show their support. They wanted her to know that they were all here for her.  
They removed the stitches and the incision was healing nicely. Finally they made it clear that they would never take the necessary steps to get her out of the hospital unless she started eating. After that she ate just enough to begin gaining weight back.  
The next month was spent in a rehabilitation center. She didn’t know it, but Castle had paid for the best care in the city. Her days were filled with therapy sessions and exercises. Her entire day was scheduled from beginning to end.  
In her first two weeks there were the same as the hospital. She was nothing more than a shell. She was just going through the motions and letting everyone tell her what to do and who to be. That was not the Kate Beckett he knew. 

KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKB(FLASHBACK) 

It was two weeks into her stay at the Rehab center and she was still not improving. She wasn’t even trying. He was only allowed to visit for an hour each day. The visiting hours would increase as she improved and her therapy sessions evened out.  
It was not near enough time for him, but he knew that he was doing her no good by hovering. And it wasn’t like she was even acknowledging his presence anyway. He has thought that given some space, she may be able to come to terms with everything and start getting back to herself. He was wrong.  
Every day he came in to hear the same report. They just kept telling him that she would not improve unless she wanted to. Every day he sat by her side. Sometimes in her room and sometimes outside in the gardens, but it was all the same.  
By week two they even told him that it may be better to just leave her alone until she was ready to improve. That was the straw that did him in. He was done with her silence and indifference. She had so many people who loved her and she didn’t even have it in her to try. He knew that this was hard on her, hard probably wasn’t even a strong enough word, but he wouldn’t let her just give up on her life this way.  
He walked into her room that day to see her sitting up in the chair in her room, a blanket covering her legs. She was facing the window that he had taken special care to ensure she had. It had a beautiful view of the garden and he wanted her nothing less for her.  
Instead of his usual, cheerful greeting Castle simply came to sit in the chair beside her.  
“How were your first sessions today?” He said coldly. Hoping that today might be different. That maybe she would deviate from her unemotional, one-word answers and actually talk to him.  
“Fine.” Came her soft reply.  
“Kate.” He paused, clearly asking for her attention. “Kate.” He said a bit more sternly.  
When she didn’t turn her head he stood and pushed his chair in front of her, effectively forcing her to look at him. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before he began. He didn’t want to have to upset her, but he saw no other way to get through to her.  
“Kate, you have to stop this. You cannot keep living like this. I know that you are hurting and I understand that your whole world is crumbling around you, but you have got to stop acting like this is the end of the world.” She looked like she actually might protest, he could see the anger building in her eyes, but he simply didn’t give her a chance.  
“You aren’t alone, Kate. I know it must feel like you are, but you are not. There are so many people who love you, Kate. We are all here for you and we all want to help you, but you won’t even acknowledge our efforts most days.  
“I don’t know where Kate Beckett went, but she sure as hell isn’t in this room. The Kate Beckett I know would never have sat by while the muscles slipped out of her legs. The Kate Beckett I know wouldn’t stand by and watch herself waste away. Kate Beckett would stand and fight. She would do everything in her power to not let this beat her. She would never let this hold her down.” Finally he broke her.  
“You actually think you understand? You want to know what happened to Kate Beckett.” She was spitting mad at him and to be honest he couldn’t be happier because that was the most words she had said to him and the most emotion she had shown in weeks (but he would never let her know that.). “Kate Beckett died when that bullet ripped through her skin. Kate Beckett vanished when everything she had ever worked for was gone in an instant. She was cracked when they told her she would never have children; annihilated when her boyfriend broke up with her because he couldn’t waste his time having to deal with her. She just couldn’t handle the pain of having to see her father’s devastated face looking down on her every day. Kate Beckett is broken up into a million tiny pieces on the floor and doesn’t have the strength to pick them all up. There would be no point anyway.  
“If you are waiting for a miracle you can go home now. There is no reason for you to stay. It will be much easier for everyone if they would just cut their losses now.” She finished her speech and looked away as if she couldn’t bear to see his face any longer.  
Oh Kate. His heart shattered for her in that moment and he took the chance to look at her, really look at her. She was tiny, fragile two words that he would never associate with Kate Beckett. She sat up straight, too straight. As if she was constantly making an effort for him. But her eyes betrayed the pain she was in. Agony more precisely. She was in pain physically and emotionally and she was all alone.  
She had built a mote around herself to protect the ones she loved and now she was all alone. He didn’t agree with her course of action, but at least now he saw the reason why. She had simply shut down. She had no way of dealing with all of the emotions that were suddenly thrust upon her and she just couldn’t take it.  
He suddenly got a painful flashback to the day following her first real chat with her doctor. The same day that Josh came by and left in such a hurry (if he ever saw Doctor Motorcycle Boy’s face again he would kill him for putting these ideas in her head). The day that her father had sat with her through the night and told Castle to go home and get some rest.  
Her doctor had shattered her dreams, her boyfriend had told her that she was a burden and not worth his time, and her father had so much pain in his eyes that she just couldn’t do it. He had to put a stop to these thoughts right away.  
“Kate look at me.” He gently put his fingers to her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking right into his eyes. He wanted her to see how serious he was and how much he meant the words he was about to speak. “You are not a burden. You are the farthest thing from a burden I could think of. It is a privilege to be a part of your life. You are extraordinary whether you run the next New York Marathon or you never leave this chair again.  
“There are so many people that love you, Kate. They are all worried sick about you and the only way you hurt them is by pushing them away. They don’t care if your legs work or not, they just want to know that you are okay and they want to be a part of your life.  
“And, yes, the fact that you were shot changes a lot of your plans, but Kate you still have so much life left to live. There is still so much you can do, there is still justice to be found and so many ways to find it. I am not waiting around for a miracle, and it is going to take a lot more than that to uproot me from my spot. I am waiting for my beautiful, extraordinary partner, and this is my spot, right next to her.  
“And I will be right here beside her as we pick up every stunning piece of her and put it back together. I love you, Kate. I know that you may not be ready to hear it and that you may not feel the same way. But you have to know. Without you my life means nothing. You have become everything to me, Kate, and I cannot let you give up my whole world that quickly.”  
She was in tears as he finished speaking. Of course he was right. His words scared her and she wasn’t ready to hear them, but it was exactly what she needed to hear. He wasn’t going anywhere. She should have known that it was going to take a lot more than this to move that stubborn man.  
There were no words for her to say so she just leant as far forward as she could and reached for him, feeling every bit like a three year old and for the first time since she was shot she couldn’t bring herself to care.  
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tiny frame into his lap. She felt safe for the first time since her mother died as he pulled her closer and she buried her head into his chest.  
She didn’t have to say it. He knew that she was accepting him into her life. She was effectively saying ‘I love you, too’ when they both knew she was nowhere near ready to utter the words. She broke down in his arms and allowed herself to cry. She allowed him to hold her and be the one to comfort her when she needed it most.  
He spoke softly into her ear and pressed kisses into her hair, allowing her all the time she needed to let all her frustration and sadness out. This was the first time since the shooting she had allowed herself to let go and cry for herself.  
Finally she calmed down. Her sobs turned into mere hiccups and her breathing slowly regulated.  
“I don’t know how to do this, Castle. I don’t know how to pick up all the tiny pieces.”  
“Together, Kate. We pick them up and get through this together. You aren’t alone anymore. I am here for you always.”

Kbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkb (END FLASHBACK) 

It had been two weeks since he had told her he loved her and she had let him see her break. It had still been a rough two weeks, even rougher now that she had a reason to get better, a reason to fight for her life back. After two more excruciating and emotional weeks of therapy, she was finally able to go home.  
She still had a long way to go and she was still on a grueling therapy regimen, but they all thought it was best if she continued her recovery in a warm and comfortable place. So after a lot of begging and pleading, from Castle of course, it was decided that she would go to the Hamptons for the remainder of her recovery.  
The vitamin D would do her good and some of the best doctors and physical therapists practiced there. Alexis and Martha were going to join them and Castle had even persuaded her father to spend as much time as he liked at the house. He could not wait to have everyone he loved and cared about under one roof. Unfortunately not everyone felt that way…


	5. Chapter 5

The ride to the Hamptons was long, way longer than usual. Normally she and her father played road trip games and blasted the same songs over and over again. The trip never seemed to last long and there was always a race to see who could unpack and change into a swimsuit the fastest. Some of her favorite childhood memories were in this house.  
This time was entirely different. She had begged to be allowed to drive in a separate car. She had argued that they had a lot of stuff and it would be beneficial for everyone if there was room for more luggage. When she was denied she even tried to make up a fake engagement of some sort, a gathering at her friend Paige’s house to kick off the summer. But again her father just said that he would go pick up Kate first and then they could all leave together.  
That was the whole problem. Her. Alexis could not stand the thought of a car trip with Detective Beckett. She had ruined everything and Alexis couldn’t stand it. But, she was given no choice.  
Her grandmother had elected to drive up before everyone to “get the house ready” which Alexis knew probably had something to do with the measures being taken to ensure Detective Beckett’s comfort. Ugh. And she had already made up an excuse to go late, so she was effectively stuck in the car alone with her father and the Detective.  
They came to pick her up from the loft in the SUV her father had rented for the trip. They always took the Ferrari to the Hamptons, which was really just for fun and because her father rarely got the chance to drive it in the city, but they needed the extra room.  
Her father had the biggest smile on his face as he hopped out of the front seat and offered her a cheerful greeting and inquired about her morning. She grumbled a response and helped him store the bags in the trunk. It was only half luggage. The other half was a folded up contraption Alexis was sure was a wheelchair and a few black bags she was sure contained supplies for medical care.  
“All set,” Her father exclaimed as he shut the hatchback and took a step back. “Ready to go?”  
“Sure.” She replied indifferently.  
“You’ve got shot gun.” He called as they both moved to their respective sides of the car. That fact surprised her. She thought that she would have been kicked to the back in favor of the Detective having a better vantage point or more room to stretch her legs.  
Alexis opened the door and climbed into the front seat beside her father. He stuck the keys in and started the car before looking back to the woman behind Alexis’ seat.  
“You still okay?” The Detective must have nodded because her father paused a beat before adding. “You’ll tell me as soon as you aren’t?”  
Alexis glanced in the rearview mirror, which was not pointed at the road but at the woman in question, and was shocked at the sight she was met with.  
A smaller, frail looking version of the Detective she had once been so familiar with. Her hair was messily tied back in a bun on top of her head and her face had very little make up on it. She was a far-cry from the normally impeccably dressed and put together Detective that she was used to seeing.  
There was a pillow behind her back and a blanket covering her obviously thinner body. The SUV had bucket seating in the back so her chair was reclined back; not to the point of laying down, but enough where she could easily sit and talk or sleep if that is what she chose. At that moment though her face formed a tight smile. Alexis could easily tell that she was in pain and that even nodding was a struggle.  
She felt a little pang of guilt about her clear dislike of the woman. She was clearly in pain and still fighting a daily battle with everything around her. She hadn’t seen her since before she woke up and from her father’s cheerful reports lately she had assumed that the woman was doing much better.  
Then it hit her, this was better. The woman laying almost helplessly in the back seat was actually doing better than she had been a few short weeks ago.  
Her father nodded and turned back around before pulling the car out and heading down the road. There was conversation between the father and daughter, but it was all generic and Castle kept his eyes half on the road and half on Kate feigning sleep in the backseat.  
After half an hour Alexis got tired of the small talk and put her headphones in as her father checked his rear view mirror for the thousandth time. Once she was sure he had returned his eyes to the road, she chanced a glance in the mirror too.  
When she saw the sleeping woman she couldn’t help, but flash back to her last visit to the hospital. 

KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBBKBKB (FLASHBACK) 

Her father had yet to leave the hospital. She knew that he loved her, but she also knew that he needed a goodnights sleep. It had only been four days, but still he couldn’t, no they couldn’t live like this.  
She went to the hospital after school to drop off some much needed supplies to her father. She had been doing it pretty much every day to ensure he was at the very least clean. She even threw in some books and his ipad for his enjoyment.  
Normally, she just dropped off the bag at the nurses’ station and waited for one of them to bring her father out, but today was different. Today she asked to be allowed entrance into the room. Of course, they let her in with no problem, her father already had these women in the palm of his hand. Normally, Alexis was uncomfortable with the power Richard Castle had over people, but today she was actually thankful.  
A kind middle aged woman, whose nametag read Denice, lead her down the hall and into room 447. Alexis murmured her thanks, took a deep breath, and pushed through the door.  
She had yet to see her father’s partner yet and she wasn’t really sure what to expect. She had woken up the day before and she knew it wasn’t pretty, but she needed to see it with her own eyes. She had been having nightmares for the past few days. Remembering the gunshot and the chaos that followed, sometimes even imagining it was her father who had been shot.  
She put on a brave face for everyone and she was careful to not let anyone know, but she was scared. Her father had stayed with her in the waiting room for some of the time throughout the surgery, when he wasn’t pacing or slumped in on himself. She had assured him that she was okay and that there was nothing for him to worry about. She didn’t want to give him anything else to worry about.  
As she walked into the room she was met with more people than expected. The detective was asleep on the bed with a few wires and IVs mixed in. Even in sleep she looked as if she was in pain and agony. Alexis quickly focused on anything else. Jim Beckett was standing near his daughter’s bed and was clearly in a conversation with Dr. Parrish. Of course, her father was sitting in a chair on the other side of the bed with his partner’s hand encased in his. He was the first one to notice her.  
“Hey, Pumpkin!” His face immediately changing to happiness in an attempt to shield her from the obvious devastation he was feeling. He came over and encompassed her in a tight hug and the other two adults in the room turned to her.  
He let her go, took the bag from her hand, and led her over to the farthest corner of the room.  
“Thank you for this. I may actually come home a little later to take a proper shower, but this will still help.” She just nodded her head in response.  
“Listen, we have a meeting with Kate’s doctor in a few minutes to lay out everything we need to know, but if you care to wait a while, we can go to dinner afterwards. I know I have been really distracted and we could use some time together. How does that sound?”  
“That actually sounds perfect. But…” She was cut off by the sound of the door swinging open and the arrival of Kate’s doctor.  
The older man looked kind and gentle as he shook Dr. Parrish and Mr. Beckett’s hands.  
“Alright, well if you will all just step outside for a moment and let me check her out again and then we can go down to a conference room to chat.” He said as he held the door open and they all filed out, her father taking the opportunity to also get a handshake from the man.  
As the door shut behind them Alexis started her thought again in front of all three adults.  
“Actually, if you all don’t mind, I want to go the doctor’s meeting.” Her father was the first to react.  
“Sweetheart, I don’t think that is such a good idea. It is going to be a lot of medical talk and I don’t think you really want to hear it. It won’t take long, you can sit with Kate while you wait or in the waiting room, either one. Plus, I really don’t think they would allow you to hear Kate’s information.”  
“Dad, I am not a little kid. I want to know what’s really going on, how bad it really is. I’m old enough to take this seriously. And plus they are letting you in the room, why am I any different.”  
“Alright you two, let’s settle down before this gets out of hand.” Lanie interjected before the disagreement turned into a full blown argument. “Castle, I understand your concern for her, I do. But she is right too. I think it might be good for little Castle to get some answers. This is a big part of her life too and she loves Kate as much as the rest of us. I am not trying to tell you how to be a parent, just consider our point of view.”  
Her father ran his hand over his face in exhaustion and she shot Dr. Parish a thankful look. She had witnessed the shot and watched as her father jumped in front of it without question. She cared for Kate and wanted to know what was really going on, not the sugar coated stuff her father had been feeding her.  
“Alright, alright, you can come in; however, the moment it becomes too much no one will judge you for waiting outside. And Mr. Beckett has to give you permission to be in the room. He may not be okay with this…”  
“Actually, Rick I think it’s fine, a good thing even. Alexis needs the peace of mind just like the rest of us. I know Kate cares for her, she would want Alexis to hear it for herself if that’s what she needs.”  
So it was settled, just as the doctor came out of Kate’s room and gestured for them to follow him down the hall. They all filed into a small conference room and the door was shut as they all took a seat around the table.  
“First things first, Mr. Beckett, since Ms. Beckett is under the influence of heavy drugs you are her power of attorney, I will need you to give consent for me to discuss your daughter’s information in their presence.” The doctor punctuated his statement by sliding a form in front of Mr. Beckett and the older man read over the document, filled in their names, and signed his name at the bottom.  
“With that out of the way, I am confident in saying that Ms. Beckett is stable. The question is no longer if she wakes up, but what to do now that she has. I will be frank with you, this is not going to be a short or easy road, but I am hopeful that she will be able to eventually live a long and happy life.  
“The bullet damaged her uterus and small intestines before damaging the anterior spinal cord. She was extremely lucky. Her small intestines were a fairly simple fix. We had to remove a small part of them so she will have to be on a strict diet until her body retrains it to work efficiently again. Unfortunately we had to perform a partial hysterectomy. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the consequences of this, but it was only a partial removal so she will be able to lead a normal life with the exception of having children. Her surgery went as well as can be expected and in a few months it will all be scars and memories. The real damage was done to her spinal cord.  
“The bullet impacted the anterior of the lumbar region of her spinal cord and has caused her to lose movement and sensation in both of her legs. She is suffering from paraplegia. Luckily, she will be able to have full use of her bowels and bladder before she is released from the hospital, she was lucky in that respect.”  
He kept saying she was lucky, lucky to be alive, lucky that more damage did not occur, lucky this, lucky that; but Alexis didn’t think she was lucky. The poor woman was lying in a hospital bed and would probably never be able to lead a normal life that seemed extremely unlucky to her.  
“We do not yet know if the paralysis is complete or incomplete and we will be assessing that within the next few days. She may regain some feeling and use of her legs, but she will probably never have full use and strength. Unfortunately there is very little in the way of a cure for this diagnosis. However, she will need a lot of rehabilitation and physical therapy to try and preserve and regain strength if at all possible and to teach her how to do everyday tasks.  
“The hope is that she will eventually be able to do a lot of things for herself, but she will need assistance for the foreseeable future.”  
The doctor paused and let all the information that they had just been given sink in. Alexis could not believe all that she was hearing. She felt sick. This could have been her father. He could be the one that was lying in the bed unable to move. He could have been shot. His partner had been shot and she almost died. She was never going to walk again and it was all too much. It was almost more than she could take. She made eye contact with Dr. Parrish and the doctor immediately understood her need to be out of the room.  
Lanie stood from her chair and walked over to Alexis.  
“Why don’t we go get some coffee and let them finish up here, hmm?” She was so gentle and kind, normally Alexis would feel coddled and childish if she was talked to like that, but she needed it at that moment.  
She rose and allowed herself to be led out of the room leaving her father and Mr. Beckett to ask questions and get more detailed information. She knew Dr. Parrish should be in there with them talking about the next steps for her best friend, but she was extremely grateful that they were out of the room.  
Over the next few weeks she saw more of her father, which should have been a good thing. Instead he was angry, sad, and exhausted. He spent all day at the hospital and arrived home in the evenings. Sometimes he even snuck back out when he thought she was asleep.  
He made an effort to be happy for her and to retain some normalcy, but she could always see his true emotions under his mask. Detective Beckett was killing him and literally sucking the life out of him. She overheard her father talking to her Grams about it. She was completely ignoring everyone and wasn’t even trying to get better.  
She was selfish, did she not see how much she was affecting everyone around her. It was clear that she didn’t have feelings for her father. She was just stringing him along and taking advantage of him. He tried to take a bullet for her, he was ready to give his life for her and this is how she acts? Alexis was beyond mad.  
She had liked Kate, she wanted her father and Kate to be together, thought they deserved each other, but she was wrong. She hated the detective for taking her father away. The man that she knew and loved had been stripped into a shell. She would never forgive her for this.

KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBBK (END FLASHBACK) 

Coming out of her memory she realized that they were almost to the house. Alexis rolled her eyes at the prospect of having to spend the rest of her summer with her father and his partner. She didn’t understand why her father continued to let Kate take advantage of him. She was clearly using him and she intended to get proof of that very fact.  
She couldn’t let her father go through that much pain again. He had always looked out for her and now it was her turn to do the same.


	6. Chapter 6

The ride to the Hamptons was excruciatingly long for Castle. Every little bump and pothole felt ten times bigger now that he had Kate to worry about. She was still in a lot of pain and the uneven pavement of the backroads was not making it any better.   
Her scars pulled, her body was still adjusting, and her muscles were all out of whack from the physical therapy she was going through. A bullet was not so easy to bounce back from. She was faking sleep for his benefit and most likely Alexis’ as well, she had perfected the fake sleeping act over the last few months, but he could see her wince and try to shift with every bump.   
He breathed a huge sigh of relief as the driveway came into sight. He reached over and patted the unusually quiet Alexis on the knee. She looked over and gave him a weak smile before turning back towards the window.   
He was worried about his little girl, well not so little anymore. She just hadn’t been herself lately. He had been trying to split his time between Kate and Alexis in the last few weeks and it was really taking it out of him. When he was with Kate he worried about Alexis and when he was with Alexis he was worried about Kate. He was looking forward to having all of his girls under one roof.   
He stopped the car and Alexis was out in a flash already heading for her bags. It was good to see her excited. He knew that a change of pace was in order for everyone.   
He got out of the car and ran around to Kate’s door. Now came the hard part. He had a lot of help getting Kate into the car, but now he was alone. She wasn’t heavy under any stretch of the imagination and he was strong enough to lift her. The problem was that Kate hated that she needed help. She was not 100% comfortable with anyone seeing her weaknesses and she just felt more and more like a burden. He told her day after day that he wanted to help her and that she was never a burden, but she refused to believe him.   
He opened her door and took in the sight of her. She looked miserable. Her whole body was rigid and tense, which could not be good for her. She had a therapy session this morning before he had come to pick her up, or break her out as she had quipped, so he expected her to be tired. That coupled with the long and unusually bumpy ride had completely drained her.  
For the millionth time he wished he could take all of her pain away. He would trade places with her in a heartbeat and he would pay any amount of money to just give her a few minutes of relief. He hoped that being in the new and free environment of the beach would help her relax and recover.   
Castle ran his hand through her hair and pushed a stray section behind her ear. Her eyes slowly opened and she let out a long breath.   
“Hey. We’re here. Just give me five minutes and I’ll get you out of here and settled in okay.” She nodded her head and he moved to the back of the car.   
His mother was already standing at the back of the car.   
“Good Afternoon, Mother. How are you?” He asked as he began unloading and unfolding the wheelchair he had stashed in the back. “Everything is in order for her?”   
“Yes. Everything is set up and the fridge is stocked. How is she, darling?”   
“Well she is in exhausted and in pain at the moment, but I’m hoping after a round of medication and a nap she might have some dinner with us.”   
“Ah, well I am off to a little get together to kick off the summer. I should be back before dinner, but let’s face it I may not be. Ta Ta.” And with that Hurricane Martha was off, a taxi already waiting at the bottom of the driveway. HE watched her walk away and shook his head before returning to Kate with wheelchair in tow.   
It wasn’t anything high tech or electronic. It was just a basic push and roll chair. Eventually they would progress to something with more power that would allow her to be able to get around on her own without having to only use her arms. However, she was still too weak from surgery and therapy to be on her own, and he had yet to find the perfect one for her, so this would have to do for now.   
He came to her door and found her much more alert.   
“Ready?” She gave no verbal answer, but she wrapped her arms around his neck when he put his around her back. His other arm slipped under her knees and he lifted her into his arms.   
She was much too light which made it easy to slowly spin her around and gently place her in the chair. Once he was sure she was settled he closed the car door and took up his place behind her.   
“Wow, Castle, you rich or something.” It was said weakly, but he could hear the Beckett behind it and it made him smile.   
“Well, I am not Patterson rich, but I do okay.” He said back as he slowly pushed her toward the newly installed ramp that led to the house. He had made a few adjustments to the house to get ready for her arrival. Other than the ramp, he got a new dining room table that was the perfect height for her chair, he had the way to the pool and a strip of land all the way down to the sand paved, and a few changes to the room and bathroom that she would be using.   
He took her through the foyer and living room, past the office/library, and into the room he had made up for her. There would be time for tours later, right now he just wanted to get her somewhere more comfortable.   
As soon as they started entertaining the idea of going to the Hampton’s he had started on her room. He had two walls painted a deep purple and left the others white. The queen sized bed was centered on one of the purple walls and faced the huge windows that looked out onto the ocean and took up most of one wall. There were pictures that he had obtained from her father placed throughout the room on the nightstand and dresser of her and her mother, the boys, and even her extended family. There was an en suite bathroom and a deck attached to the room.   
He had even taken the big print of the elephant out of his own bedroom at the loft to hang on the purple wall clearly visible from the bed and the elephants that once rested on her desk had made their way to her nightstand. He hoped that she would like it and that she would feel at home here.   
“Oh my goodness, Castle.” She murmured softly as they entered the room.  
He pushed her over to the bed and locked the wheels. He came to stand in front of her and leaned down. There were tears in her eyes as she shook her head and averted her gaze.   
“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Castle put his hand under her chin and lifted her face so that he could look into her eyes. “Are you in pain, you should really take some of the medicine they gave you this morning, here I will go get it for you, let’s just get you into…”   
She grabbed his wrist as he tried to stand up, effectively keeping him with her.   
“No, I’m not….it’s just…You shouldn’t have done all of this for me. You shouldn’t have uprooted your whole life and built it back around me. I’m broken, Castle. I’m not worth all of this. You must have put so much into this and I could never repay you for all of this and the rehad center and all that you are doing for me.” She was working herself up and he knew this wasn’t good for her.   
She felt guilty and it killed him. She had done absolutely nothing wrong and he would go to the ends of the earth for her. He would do anything for her because she was his everything. His whole world consisted of Kate and Alexis. He would die for her, kill for her, nothing compared to some paint and screws. He loved her with every fiber of his being, but she wasn’t ready for that yet.  
Ever since she had begun letting him in, that day at the rehab center, their relationship had definitely taken a step forward, but it was still complicated. They touched more. She reached out for him when she needed comfort and he held her and touched her more than was strictly necessary to be her care taker. They weren’t saying those three words, though he sometimes had to bite his tongue to keep it in, and they weren’t dating necessarily, so yeah, it was complicated.   
He loved her and he hated it when she beat herself up and tried to convince him that she wasn’t worth it. He took the crying woman into his arms and pulled her from her chair and pulled her to his chest as he sat on the bed. He held her in his lap as she cried. She took a few halfhearted swings at his chest to show her protest.   
Eventually she stopped fighting and her tears slowed.   
“Kate, you are worth so much more than all of this. You are extraordinary and nothing is going to change that. I don’t care if you never take another step, nothing will change the way I feel about you. And you have so many people who love you, Kate.  
“You will never owe me anything, if anything I owe you. You made me a better man, a better father. You inspire me every day and I am so honored that you have let me into your life. You have to stop this, okay.   
“This situation sucks, but it is in no way your fault, and there is nothing that you could do to make me love you any less.” She tensed at his words, but let him continue. “We’re going to get through this, okay, you and me. It will get better, alright, you just have to hold on and trust me. It is okay to lean on me. Let me take care of you, let me do things for you. I know it is hard for you, but I’m not going anywhere whether you fight me or not. Nothing you can do is going to make me leave.”   
She nodded her head, having calmed to the sound of his words, and snuggled closer to her as best she could. He pulled her close and held her for a moment before he stood up, pulled back the covers, and tucked her in.   
He pressed a kiss to her hair and whispered, “I’ll be right back.” He ran out to the car and brought her medicine and heating blanket in with him.   
He brought her a glass of water and helped her sit up. She took the pill and a few more sips of water and he helped her get comfortable in the cocoon of the warm blanket. One thing he had learned over the last few months was that she was the most cold natured person he had ever met and she couldn’t sleep without being completely warm.   
He was just about to get up and leave her to sleep when she grabbed his wrist again.   
“Stay with me.” Her voice was already heavy with sleep and her whole body relaxed by the medicine and exhaustion. “just until I fall asleep.”   
The last word was slurred and he could not help but find it adorable. So he held her hand and stroked her hair until she was in a deep sleep. She was so beautiful when she slept, well she was beautiful all the time, but especially when all of the pain and worry was gone from her face and she was completely relaxed. He hoped that soon that look would be seen more and more often even when she wasn’t asleep. He pressed a final kiss to her head and set off to unload the car and have a swim with his daughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your support! I love hearing from you.


	7. Chapter 7

It doesn’t take long to unload the car. Alexis has already gotten her things out and up to her room, so it only takes a few trips. Kate’s things and medical bags he puts in the library, right beside her room as not to wake her up. His suitcases go up to the master bedroom and the job is done.   
He looks in and finds that Alexis is not in her room and her things seem to already be unpacked. He deduces that she must have won the race and is already down at the pool. He quickly pulls on a swimsuit and jogs down the stairs to find her.   
He stops by Kate’s room to ensure that she is still sleeping peacefully and leaves a note on her nightstand telling her that he is right outside and to call him when she wakes up. He knows that she will most likely sleep all afternoon, but he definitely doesn’t want her to wake up scared and alone.   
He heads outside through the main patio door and breathes in a deep breath of fresh, salty air. He loves the beach. It has been his sanctuary of sorts for years now. Whenever he has writers block or the city becomes too crowded for him he takes reprieve here. It is also where he feels closest to his family. He and Alexis have been coming to the house every summer since she was tiny. She has grown up here and he can’t wait to spend another summer with her. He would never have missed this and he had no idea what he would have done if Kate had refused to come with them.   
He spotted Alexis sunning herself on a chaise lounge-type float in the middle of the pool. As he came closer he saw no electronic device or book in her lap so he decided she was fair game. As soon as he was through the gate he dropped his towel and took off running for the pool. She noticed him much too late as he was already mid cannon ball.   
Water goes everywhere as soon as he hits the surface. Everything within a ten foot radius is soaked. He had perfected the art of ‘biggest, wettest cannon ball’ years ago. They had done actual experiments and stayed in the pol all day to figure out how to make the biggest splash or the loudest landing.   
When he surfaced he was met with fiery blue eyes.  
“Really? How old are you?” It still shocked Rick whenever he saw glimpses of teenager in his daughter. Normally she was so sweet and innocent, but he knew she was growing up and he would give her some leniency once in a while.   
“Oh, you know me, still 9 years old. That’s what Kate says anyway.” His comment was designed to cool off the mood and earn him at least a smile from his daughter, but instead it was met with an eye roll.   
Rick swam over to the side and used his arms to hoist himself out of the pool. Using his towel to dry off, he came to sit on the edge of the pool as Alexis floated leisurely. She looked so grown up lounging in the chair with sunglasses covering her face. It still shocked him to see her looking this grown up. To him she would always be his baby girl.   
“So it appears you won the race. You know what that means. What would you like for dinner?” Her head snapped in his direction, she almost looked confused.   
“What? You didn’t think I had forgotten, did you?” He smiled and she gave him one back. The first real smile he had seen from her in a while. It was short lived though as she thought about what she wanted to eat.   
He wasn’t blind. He knew there was something wrong with Alexis. She hadn’t been herself lately. Ever since the shooting she had been a completely different person. She didn’t smile as much and she was pulling away from him.   
That was one of the reasons he made such a fuss about everyone being up here. He knew that he couldn’t abandon her now. He knew that she needed some father daughter time, and probably some alone time too. Now he had everyone he loved under one roof and he made it his mission to make sure everyone was healing.   
“Steak kabobs?” Alexis decided.   
“Sounds delicious. I already have all of the ingredients for that, I’m pretty sure.”   
Alexis smiled again and went back to her sunning. Rick applied some sunscreen and waited for it to dry, mentally checking off what would need to be done to prep dinner and making the necessary changes in his mind for Kate’s meal.   
She was still pretty restricted on what she could and couldn’t eat. She had to eat healthy and unseasoned foods for the most part. Her intestines were still regulating themselves and she was still too thin for everyone’s comfort.   
After his sunscreen had dried he decided to swim some laps. He had always been fit and enjoyed working out. He used this time to clear his head. Put all of his worries about Kate and Alexis out of his mind and simply swim. He only thought about his breathing and the hard and sharp movements he was making.   
He had lost count of the number of laps he had swam when his legs and arms finally crossed the line from satisfying burn to about to give out. He slowed and flipped on his back to cool down and enjoy the sun.   
Alexis had moved to a pool chair and was stretched out reading a book. He lazed a few more minutes before he got out and went over to check the time. His phone read 4:30 pm. Just in time.   
“Alright, pumpkin. I’ve had enough for today. Dinner at…let’s say 6:00. Text your Gram and let her know will you.”   
“Sure Dad.” She said absent mindedly, still completely wrapped up in the book in her hands.   
He sent a text to his mother on his way into the house, knowing that Alexis was most likely too far into the book to remember. She replied before he could even make it back to the house that her party was a bust and much too subdued for her taste, she would be home for dinner. He had to laugh to himself at her outrageousness. He always thought she was like Lindsey Lohan from Freaky Friday, teenager trapped in an older body.   
When he reached the house he went straight to Kate’s room. He was not surprised she was still fast asleep, he was glad that nightmares had not yet plagued her dreams. He decided that he would let her sleep only long enough for him to grab a shower and then he would wake her up.   
He showered and dressed quickly. He unpacks most of his belongings and throws the suitcases under the bed, before heading back downstairs. He takes Kate’s bags into her room and puts them into the closet, telling himself to make sure they are unpacked before tomorrow morning, and goes to wake her up.   
He sits on the edge of the bed and her eyes flutter open. She must have been resting more than sleeping when he brought the bags in.   
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty.” Her eye roll is just as sassy as ever and he smiled at the sight. “Thought you might want to get up for a while before dinner.”   
She nods her head slowly, but stays perfectly still.   
“s’comfortable, Castle.” She almost purrs. He sighs in relief that it appears she isn’t in excruciating pain at the moment. In fact, her forehead is free from lines and her brow is not creased. He is glad the mattress and sheets have her approval. She complained daily about the sheets at the rehab center in the midst of her daily rant spurred on by pain.   
“We can stay here for a bit, I have some time before I have to start cooking.” She hums her approval and wraps her hand around his, bringing their joined hands to rest on her chest. He loved her when she was in her post-pain medication sleep haze. She was so clingy and confused, like a little girl.   
“I have some good news?” He sing-songed.   
“hmmm?” One of her eyes cracked open and the other slowly followed as she focused on his face.   
“No therapy tomorrow.” Her smile is wide and happy, going all the way up to fill her eyes. She really hates therapy. It makes her sore and tired, she always requires more help afterwards, and she always feels a little bit like a failure.   
It will be the first day since the shooting that will not be filled with either doctor’s appointments or therapy sessions. It will also be the last free day they have for a while. Over the next several weeks she will be enduring quite a few sessions.   
He has a schedule all set up for her. She will have therapy on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. Every day, except for Saturday, will be at home. He found a fabulous PT program that focuses on comfortable, at-home care. He is hoping that if he is there during her sessions he can help her through them and maybe bring some joy into the room. Previously his visiting hours were restricted and he was not allowed to be with her during her sessions, he hoped that he could make them better for her this time around.   
They will be working half on building and retaining muscles and the other half on completing everyday activities and tasks. The goal is for her to be as independent as possible. She will probably never live alone again, not that he wants her too, and she will most likely never be a detective full time, but she will slowly regain every day skills.   
“Anything specific you might like to do with your free day?” She shakes her head. He has a few ideas that she might enjoy, but they will worry about that tomorrow.   
After a few more minutes of silence her eyes stay open longer and she seems more alert. Her fingers squeeze his and he knows that she is okay to get up. He places a kiss on her hand and gets up to move her wheelchair back over to the bedside. He puts the wheel brake on and throws off the covers. He slowly helps her sit up and then carefully pulls her into his arms.   
He takes longer than necessary to turn around and place her in the chair. He likes the feel of her weight in his arms and her head resting on his shoulder. Once she is situated he releases the brake and wheels her out into the living area.   
“Do you want to watch TV in here while I cook?” She shakes her head a little too hard for his liking. “Alright how about a book then, I can set you up on the couch?” Again he is met with a shake of the head.   
He stops when they arrive at the kitchen, puts the brake on, and comes to stand in front of her. That is when he sees it. Just a tiny flash of feeling in her eye, but he knows her. He knows her so well he doesn’t need for her to say one word. He has only seen her like this a few times before and he never wants her to be afraid to just come out and say it. She is lonely.   
She has just spent the last month in rehab where she has been surrounded by doctors and nurses and therapists, but she has been alone. They have strict visiting hours and the rest of the day is spent in the care of others. She misses people, him, she misses him.   
“Actually, you know I would enjoy some company, would you like to join me?”   
“I would like that.” He can hear the relief in her voice. She likes to shut people out and pretend to be this strong super human robot, but she is only human.   
So he gets all the ingredients out of the fridge and brings them over to the dining room table. He pushes her over to the table and takes the seat right next to her. He produces two knives and places one in her general direction.   
“Alexis requested Steak Kabobs, but I am feeling grilled chicken instead. I figured I would make some steak, potato, and pepper kabobs for her and mother, and then we could have some chicken and vegetables. Care to help me chop?”   
She saw right through him. She knew that he would rather have steak, too. He was going to eat with her, instead. She wanted to be angry and tell him that she was a big girl and if she had to eat something different she was perfectly capable of doing so alone. But, if she was being honest with herself, it was kind of sweet that he didn’t want her eating alone. So she pretended not to notice.   
Instead she picked up the knife and slowly slid a carrot towards her. Her entire body was weak, even her arms did not have their usual strength. It was frustrating, but she was determined to help. If Castle was going to do all of this for her the least she could do was help with the chopping.   
She also knew that he didn’t need any help chopping and in the end she was only able to chop the one long carrot into slices in the time it took him to finish everything else, including the meat. He wanted her to feel useful and to get a little mini workout in. Her therapists were always telling her to try and do little things every day to gain strength. Before today she had never tried. She had just sat and let others do it for her.   
Castle made her want to get better. He gave her a glimpse of what her future would look like if she would fight. If she could do this, if she could heal enough to even be half the person she used to be, they could be happy together. He was her living, breathing motivation. And darn if she was going to let a silly carrot get in her way.   
After all the vegetables and meat had been sliced, it was time to move to the grill. Luckily his outdoor kitchen was equipped with shade and a stove so that everything could cook at once without him having to run back and forth. He quickly took all of the food and supplies outside on a tray and then came back inside to get Kate.   
She looked a little disheartened that she was too weak to get herself out of the kitchen, but he only smiled at her and pushed her onto the deck. It was a very large deck and he had no problem setting her up where she had a spectacular view of the ocean.   
Once she was settled he went down to the pool to remind Alexis of dinner. She jumped up and gathered her things, saying something about a shower. He walked back up to the porch and began cooking, all the while keeping up a light conversation with Kate.   
It was about 45 minutes later when everything was finishing up. He peeked his head inside and saw his mother and Alexis talking on the couch.   
“Hello, Mother. Would you lovely ladies mind setting the table and making drinks for us, please?”   
“Absolutely darling, come along Alexis.”   
With that taken care of he went back to the grill and began plating up the food. They had quite a spread. Half a dozen steak kabobs, two grilled chicken breasts with baked potatoes, lima beans, green beans, yeast rolls, and a salad.   
He carried everything inside and put it on the table serving himself and Kate the chicken and potatoes and leaving the rest to be served when everyone sat down. When everything was set up and the drinks were being transferred to the table he went and got Kate.   
He sat at the head of the table with Kate on his left and Alexis on the right followed by his mother. They all dug into the food, which was delicious. He kept his eye on Kate throughout the dinner. She answered the few questions Martha asked, all light and non-injury related, ‘how was her father doing?’ and ‘when was the last time she had been to the beach?’. She answered them politely, but remained pretty focused on her plate.   
Alexis was much the same way. She was quieter and more reserved than usual. Again she answered any questions her father or gram had, but never elaborated or got particularly excited. They all attributed it to the travel of the morning and a day spent at the pool sucking away at her energy, which was not entirely untrue.   
Even so, it was the best dinner they had had in a long time. Everyone was safe and together. After they had finished eating Castle made eye contact with Kate and could tell she needed an escape. So he got up and began clearing plates, but Martha had other ideas.   
“Why don’t you take Katherine out to see the sunset, darling? Alexis and I will clean up here. I am sure you two could use some rest, hmm.”   
“Thank you, Mother.” Normally he would protest, but he did want to take Kate out to see the stars come out and let her relax. She had been tense at dinner and he was sure she was fading as it approached time for more pain medication.   
With that he took hold of Kate’s chair, unlocked the wheels, and led her away from the table and a slightly disgruntled Alexis.


	8. Chapter 8

Kate’s shoulders slumped as soon as they crossed the threshold into her room. He felt bad that she was having to put on a mask with his family, but he was glad that she didn’t have to be that way with him. She was finally letting him see her in pain and weakness. He suspected it had more to do with the fact that she wasn’t physically capable of keeping the wall up any longer, than it did with any conscious effort she was making.  
He wheeled her over to the door and stopped. He collected a glass of water and her pain pills, along with a blanket before opening the door. He juggled the supplies he had collected and pushed her through the door and put it all down on the railing.   
The balcony was small and set apart a few feet from the deck attached to the rest of the house. Most of the space was taken by the biggest and most comfortable looking lounge chair Kate had ever seen. It was the size of a double bed, at least, and looked even more comfortable than her bed at home. The rest of the small space was taken up by flowers. There were vines along the railings, which were filled with beautiful pink blooms and there were a few pots scattered around filled with daisies and violets and tulips.   
“Your own personal garden.” Castle grinned as if he had won the lottery when her hand slipped out to caress a particularly big daisy in the pot closest to her. He came to stand in front of her and handed her the cup and the pills.   
“I’m fine, Castle.” She defiantly crossed her arms and sat back in her chair.   
“Kate, you need to take the medicine. I can see that you are in pain and I hate it. There is no reason for you to sit there and suffer. You’ve had a very long day and I want you to be able to get some rest. Pleas, just…just don’t fight me on this okay. I can’t just sit back and watch you be in pain.” The look on his face was all the convincing she needed, but she let him wait a few seconds before she reluctantly plucked the pills out of his hand and took them with a few sips of water.   
Before she even knew what was happening she was in his arms. It was quickly becoming her favorite place to be, even if she did hate the situation she was in, she always felt safest and happiest when he held her against his chest.   
It was over too soon as he gently placed her on the chair. Her assessment had been right, it was insanely comfortable. He swung the blanket over her dramatically and came to sit next to her, their hips touching even though there was plenty of room.   
“Really, Castle, I am fine. You have done way too much for me already. You should go in and be with your family. I can manage out here for a bit. Or, better yet, you can just put me in bed and I’ll be fine until morning. I probably won’t last long after the pills anyway.” She looked down at her hands and he knew she didn’t mean it.   
She felt guilty about taking his time and using his recourses. And, yes, the little garden on her porch may have been a bit overboard, but he knew she secretly loved flowers. It was another one of the hundreds of surprising little things he was learning about her. She loved to be in the little garden at the rehab facility. Even when she wasn’t speaking to him he would sometimes come to visit her as she sat alone among the flowers. The nurses said that she demanded to be brought out to the garden and then chased the poor nurses away so she could be alone.   
He thought she might enjoy a bit of that here. He knew that she was having trouble with all of this, especially him rearranging things around her, but he just couldn’t resist. What was the point of being rich if you can’t spoil the people you love?  
“I have all night to spend with them, I actually have a little movie marathon all set up with Alexis. It’s tradition. She said she wanted to talk to Ashley for a while after dinner. I have some time. I don’t want you to worry about a thing, okay.”   
She nodded her head and relaxed into the cushions. The stars were just coming out and they were beautiful. She didn’t know how long they both sat there enjoying the night.   
It was one of the only things she disliked about the city, not being able to see the stars. Out here the entire sky was filled and it reminded her of summer weekends spent in the cabin with her family. Her parents would sit snuggled up together on the porch swing while she ran around catching fireflies until she finally wore herself out and settled down in the grass to observe the stars.   
“They really are beautiful aren’t they?” Castle’s voice cut through the silence.   
“mmm.”   
He glanced over and watched her observe the stars. She was gorgeous in the darkness with her face upturned. She didn’t have a stich of makeup on and her hair was still in a messy bun from the morning, but it didn’t matter. She was always beautiful and he couldn’t help but admire her.   
“Still creepy, Castle.” He chuckled and her head fell to his shoulder. He looked down at her and found her struggling to stay awake. He didn’t dare even breathe for fear that she would spook and pull away.   
He sat there looking up at the stars and enjoying the weight of her against him. After a few minutes he could feel her getting heavier as the medicine took effect and he carefully maneuvered her so that she was laying with her head pillowed on his chest in a way that would not aggravate her injuries. Once he had her settled he felt her snuggle up to him and bury her head deeper into his chest.   
He could have sworn he had died and gone to heaven laying there under the stars with Kate Beckett in his arms. It was the perfect moment.   
She slowly fell asleep in his arms and he let her. He didn’t know how long they laid there, he just kept his arms securely around her and let her sleep. He alternated between admiring the stars and admiring her.   
‘If I could just do this every night,” he thought, ‘If I could do this every night for the rest of our lives I would never ask for anything more.’   
He had once imagined a tiny girl with brown curly hair and deep green eyes alongside an imaginative little boy with shaggy hair and her smile. He had seen her in a white dress and them in a house in the city with a dog and the kids. That had all changed the minute the sniper pulled the trigger.   
At first, he was sad. Not for himself, or for his fantasy family, but for her. He was devastated that she would never be able to have children or walk down the aisle. Even more so that they would never experience those things together as he had always imagined.   
But now he knew better. Now he was just thankful to have her here with him. Ring or no ring, kids or no kids, he could care less as long as they were together, or at least headed that way. He didn’t really know what they were to each other or what she thought of all of these changes in their relationship, but he knew that would all come in time. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy the steady rise and fall of her chest against him and her strong heartbeat against his side.   
After a while, he decided it was time to move. Alexis was probably done with her call and Kate needed to be moved into her own bed. He knew there was no point in waking her up to wash her face or change her clothes, she was down for the count after her medication.   
He moved her slowly off of him and stood up carefully as not to jostle her. He went around to where she lay and picked her up with an arm across her back and one under her knees. He didn’t even bother with the chair, just carried her all the way to bed.   
He pulled back the covers and laid her down on the sheets and wrapped the heating blanket around her before tucking her in the covers. He made sure her phone was on the pillow beside her so that she could call if she woke up alone and turned off the light.   
Before he left the room he bent down and pressed a light kiss to her hair.


	9. Chapter 9

It started at 2am. The nightmares.   
He had stayed up with Alexis until after midnight to watch Star Wars: Episode 1. Every year they worked their way through the movies throughout the summer. They both knew every line by heart, but it would just seem wrong to watch anything else. It wasn’t the only thing they watched together, but they did complete all seven movies every year.   
The movie was as good as it always was, but something was different, off. Alexis was quiet and reserved. She stayed on her end of the couch and put the popcorn bowl in between them as if it were a wall. They normally cuddled up together and ate everything in sight, but tonight they were separated by a half-eaten bowl of popcorn. He was determined to get to the bottom of this and fix whatever was bothering his little girl. But not tonight.   
After they had gone their separate ways, Rick just couldn’t bring himself to sleep upstairs. Kate was the only one downstairs and he would never forgive himself if something happened and he was not there with her.   
There was a fairly comfortable couch in his office that he had slept many a power nap on when he should have been writing. And plus, his office shared a wall with Kate’s bedroom and he would sleep better knowing she was only a few feet away.   
He took a pillow and blanket down stairs and made up a pallet on the couch. The couch really was comfortable and he was exhausted from the day. It was no time before he was in a deep sleep. It was only about two hours later before he was wide awake.   
He wasn’t sure what exactly woke him up, but he was immediately met with whimpers and struggling from the next room. His subconscious wrote it off as his sleep deprived brain hearing things, it wouldn’t be the first time, but as soon as he heard his name he was wide awake.   
“Castle. Castle. Castle!” It was Kate. Her cries were getting louder and more desperate. “No, No, Noooooo!”   
He through off the covers and ran into the next room. Kate was asleep, caught in her own dream. There was a sheen of sweat on her face and neck, she was struggling as if she couldn’t catch her breath and something was tying her down. She was pitiful. Her cries continued and became incoherent as he approached the bed.   
He sat down at her hip and pushed the hair out of her sweaty face. She calmed a bit at the touch, but then was thrown right back into the dream.   
“Kate. Kate, can you hear me. I’m right here, Kate.” He murmured into the darkness of her room. “Can you open your eyes for me? It’s just a dream, Kate. I’m right here.”   
The whole time he spoke he ran his fingers through her hair and squeezed her hand, trying to slowly bring her out of the confines of her own mind.   
Slowly she calmed. Her breaths evened out and she squeezed his hand back. Finally, after what seemed like forever her eyes opened and locked with his. There was an intensity in the dark green orbs that almost scared him, but in a split second it was gone and replaced with the broken and vulnerable Kate he was getting used to.   
Tears made their way down her face and his heart broke. He scooped her up against him and held her as tight as he could without hurting her still tender body. She weakly lay her head on his shoulder and curled into him as she cried.   
“Cemetary… Shot... You... Roy... Hurts... Can’t move. Can’t Breathe.” She couldn’t make full sentences, but he understood. She was having flash backs. She was remembering Roy’s shooting and hers, her initially waking up in the hospital and her diagnosis. In her dreams everything was worse. She was alone and she could never get to the part where she recovered, she hadn’t even reached that part fully in real life.   
She told him about the dreams one day in the garden. It was after their talk, or his break down rather, and they kept telling him she had a rough night. There was hardly ever a day when they didn’t make that comment. He had questioned her about it and questioned her about it, that day, before she finally broke down and confessed her worst nightmares to him literally.   
She told him that she sometimes watched her mom die and then Roy and then herself on that hospital table. Sometimes she had to watch Lanie and the boys and even Castle die in her place. They were awful and she only ever spoke about them that one day. This was the first time he had been with her at night and he had no idea what to expect.   
She just cried into him. Awkwardly clinging to him with the almost no strength she had in her arms. He compensated and held her against him as tightly as he dared. Eventually she went slack in his arms. Completely spent from the struggle and the crying.   
He had no idea what to do. He expected her to want to talk, or rather want to avoid talking, and him have to pry it out of her. He expected her to not want to go back to sleep and for her to fight him when he suggested it. He at least thought that she would stay awake long enough to get situated again. But, she was full of surprises and he was glad that she was at least sleeping.   
He stayed for half an hour to make sure she really was asleep. After keeping watch he just couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer and he made his way over to his makeshift bed again. He crawled in and was asleep before his head ever hit the pillow.   
It was only two hours before he was awake again. He could hear crying, but it was much different from the last time. She didn’t sound like she was in trouble or in crisis, no this was pure sadness.   
He tiptoed out of his room and pushed her cracked door open. He found her sobbing quietly into the darkness. He could tell she was trying to hide it, probably just not wanting to wake anybody up.  
She looked so small in all wrapped up in the covers and trembling as she was. He stepped into the room and turned on her bedside lamp. She looked even more distraught at his being there, and shook her head as if to say ‘I’m fine, you can go away’.   
“Kate.” He whispered softly.   
“Nothing, Castle. Nightmare. Nothing new.” She tried to crack a smile, but it never went much farther than a thought.   
“Not nothing, Kate. You’re hurting. How many times do I have to tell you that you are not alone? You are never alone. You are in a house full of people that care about you, okay. No more doing this alone.” he went around the bed and climbed onto it. He lay beside her on his side propped up on one elbow so that he could see her.   
“It was just a dream, okay. You’re here and I’m here and the boys are safe back in New York. Just a dream. You’re safe now, I’m here.”   
She closed her eyes and let his gentle words wash away the panic and sadness. She hated that just a dream could reduce her to a puddle of tears. She was better than this, stronger than this. She had gotten over the nightmare phase at the age of four and there was no reason to go back now. She was fine, she needed to suck it up and deal.   
He stopped speaking when she had calmed and he simply laid there with her as she stared up at the ceiling.   
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”   
“Don’t apologize. This is not your fault, and I am glad that I woke up. I don’t want you to have to lay here and cry yourself back to sleep alone when these things happen. Your phone is right there, Kate, why didn’t you just call me?”   
He knew the answer, she didn’t want to be a burden or a pain, but what she didn’t realize was that her suffering and tears were ripping him apart. She could never be a burden to him and being able to comfort her was never a pain. He had told her a million times, but maybe words were not enough. Maybe she needed a little more action to put with the words.   
Sure he had done a lot for her, but everything he had done so far had been physical. He had used his money to make her life a little bit simpler, but that didn’t really count. He needed to do more than that.   
He needed to show her just how extraordinary she was again. Even after the bullet wound and even with the chair. He wanted to show her that she was so much more and that he was the one who didn’t deserve her. He wanted her to see herself the way he saw her, and maybe then she would know that she wasn’t a burden, that she could never possibly be a pain to him. She was everything to him.   
“It’s alright, Kate. Get some sleep and we will figure it out in the morning.” Her eyes slipped closed and her body relaxed. He thought she had gone back to sleep, but when he tried to sneak out, he was stopped by a weak hand on his chest.   
“Don’t go.” He barely heard it and if he hadn’t seen her lips moving he would have seriously questioned it, but he didn’t. He just laid back down beside her and took her hand to let her know he wasn’t going anywhere.   
If she needed him there beside her than that’s where he would be.


	10. Chapter 10, part 1

She woke up a few times throughout the night. Every single time Castle was there. She opened her eyes and got lost in the deep blue orbs that were his eyes. He would stroke her hair and whisper into her ear as the tension and the fear literally drained out of her. She never said anything other than a quiet thank you as her eyes slipped closed again. He waited until he was absolutely sure that she was in a deep and comfortable sleep before he settled down next to her again.   
By morning they were both exhausted, but they had made it through the night and that was a start. He slipped out of her bed, carefully so as not to wake her, after the sun had risen. He pulled the curtains closed over the windows in hopes that she would get a few more hours of sleep and made sure her phone was within reach in case she woke up.   
“Morning, Pumpkin. You’re up early.” He greeted as he entered the kitchen to find her sitting at the counter over a bowl of cereal. Alexis looked up and smiled before returning her attention back to the cereal and the book laying on the counter.   
“Anything good?” He prods.   
“What?” She says around her spoon, never looking up from occupations. It reminded him of a certain fiery headed eight year old who practically read everywhere but the shower. It was in this very house where she had a full on meltdown when Harry Potter #5 or #6, he couldn’t remember which, had taken an unfortunate dip in the pool. He had driven an hour across town to replace it.   
“You’re book. You must be really enjoying it if you’re cheating on your cereal with it?” He quipped.  
“hmmm” was all she could manage. He was really becoming concerned with her mood lately.   
“Hey pumpkin.” He said as he poured his coffee and came to stand in front of her. When she didn’t look up he tried again. “Alexis.”  
She looked up with a tiny flash of annoyance. He was taken aback. She was almost never genuinely annoyed with him, especially this early in the morning.   
“Are you okay? You’ve been acting off a bit since we got here.”  
“I’m fine, dad.” She said as she went back to her book, but he was too fast for her, he quickly grabbed the book from the counter and shut it around one of his fingers, careful to keep the page. He did not want to open that can of worms.   
She huffed annoyance and he could instantly see the regret in her eyes. She was a sweet kid and acting out had always made her feel uncomfortable and guilty, hence why he rarely had to discipline her.   
“It wasn’t that interesting anyway.” She scoffed under her breath as she slipped off the stool and hurried away up the stairs.   
“Alexis, wait.” But she had already disappeared up the stairs. He ran a hand down his face and leaned heavily against the counter as he weighed his options. He decided to give her some space to cool down and process her emotions before he tried again.   
He downed the rest of his coffee and went to check on Kate. After seeing that she was still sound asleep he went upstairs to shower and get ready for the day. He turned the ringer all the way up on his phone to make sure he could hear it if Kate were to wake up and call before stepping under the scalding spray.   
He had just turned off the water when he heard Alexis practically screaming his name from down stairs. He lunged into action. Pulling on the very first pair shorts he could find and racing down the stairs as he pulled a shirt over his head. His hair was still dripping and he was pretty sure he didn’t match, he didn’t even care.   
“Dad!”   
He rounded the bottom of the stairs to see a very panicked Alexis standing outside Kate’s room with her eyes glued past the door. His heart plummeted even farther as all of the possibilities ran through his head.   
He took the last few large strides to Alexis and took hold of her forearms so that her panic filled eyes met his. He could see a few tears making their way down her face, which only hurried him further.   
“I’m here now.” Was all he managed to get out as he let go and turned into Kate’s room.   
And there she was, the woman he was pretty sure was the love of his life, laying on the floor writhing in pain.   
“Kate!” He rushed to her side and took her into his arms. He managed to hold her neck with one hand and get the other underneath her back, effectively cradling her beneath him. Her eyes were still slammed shut in pain, but her writhing stopped as she went limp in his arms.   
“Kate, can you open your eyes for me?” She didn’t move, just lay tense and silent in his arms. “Please, Kate.” He practically whispered as he pressed a kiss into her hair.   
He waited what seemed like an eternity before her eyes slowly opened. Her body was still tight in his arms, but her eyes met his for a moment before she shut them again a bit more gently this time. She was sweaty and her breathing labored.   
“Kate, you’ve got to try and relax. You’re going to make it worse.” She made no move to even acknowledge that she had heard. “Alexis, call 911.”   
“No,” She whimpered weakly. “Hospital. No. S’fine.” She ground out with clenched teeth.   
“Kate, you are not fine. You are recovering from a bullet and you just fell at least two feet. You need a hospital.”   
“Just give me a minute.” She said a little bit more coherently.   
“Dad?” Alexis called from the door, no doubt questioning what to do.   
He felt Kate’s body begin to relax in his arms. It was just a tiny change, but it was something. He knew that Kate hated hospitals. Her whole life had been shattered in one of those sterile white rooms.   
“It’s alright, Alexis. Go and get me the phone numbers from the fridge and a telephone please.” He said in the calmest voice he could manage. He heard her retreating steps and looked back down at Kate. She was much more relaxed at this point, but he could tell that she was still very much in pain.   
“1-10.”   
“6” she replied automatically.   
“Okay that means, nine. Kate, we really need to go to the hospital.”   
“No, Castle.” It was barely a whisper and tears began making their way down her face.   
“Okay, Kate. Alright no hospitals.” He sighed and pulled her tighter against him. “I’m going to lift you up to the bed now, okay.”  
She gave a slight nod as he twisted himself around her and picked her up bridal style as slowly and carefully as possible. He ignored the pain in his knees as he hoisted her up against his chest. He took a step and placed her gently down on the bed.   
He sighed in relief as she sunk down into the covers instead of tensing back up.   
“Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”   
She nodded and he moved to stand in the doorway by a visibly shaken Alexis.   
“She’s fine, pumpkin.” He said before thinking better of himself, “She will be fine.”   
He crushed his daughter against him for a second before taking the paper and phone out of her hands.   
KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKKBBK  
It had been an hour and a half since he had cradled her on the floor. He had called the hospital and pulled quite a few strings to have a doctor drive out to the house. He wouldn’t make her go to the hospital, but she had to see a doctor. There is no telling how much damage her little accident caused.   
He sat by her bed until the doctor arrived and then he was presently kicked out so that she could be examined. She gave him quite the glare when she realized what was going on, but her face softened and she managed a soft smile as he shut the door.   
Alexis had calmed down by now and was sitting on the porch reading. She didn’t know what had happened, just that she heard a crash and found Kate in excruciating pain on the floor. She had been panicked, but seeing Kate safely resting in bed had calmed her fears. It wasn’t so easy for Castle. He knew how thick Kate’s mask was and just how much she hid from the world.   
So here he sat on his couch, pretending to watch TV while watching her door like a hawk. The doctor had been fast, the hospital was only about ten minutes away and he knew the severity of the situation. He trusted the man and knew Kate was in the best hands.   
Finally, the door opened and the doctor emerged, bag in hand. Dr. James was the best spinal injury specialist within a hundred mile radius. He was a little round man with a kind heart. He had white hair and a clean shaven face. He reminded Castle of Santa Clause without the beard.   
Castle popped up off the couch and was by the doctor’s side in seconds.   
“How is she?” He prodded.   
“Relax, son. She was extremely lucky this time. I don’t see any signs of internal damage. I gave her some muscle relaxers and a pain pill. She is sleeping now and should be good as new in a few hours.”   
“Thank you so much for taking care of her.”   
“You don’t have to thank me. I was just doing my job, you are the one doing all the heavy lifting. And for what it is worth, you have your work cut out for you. You’ve got a stubborn one there.” He chuckled lightly along with the good doctor as he showed him out. He could see Kate standing her ground and insisting that his visit was unnecessary even when it was blatantly obvious that she was in a world of pain.   
“Thank you again.” Castle said as he waved and shut the door, breathing a deep sigh of relief.   
KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKB  
It was almost twelve o’clock when she finally woke up. He had been writing in a chair he dragged over to the side of her bed. She woke up a few minutes before he noticed, which was a shock to her as he was normally extremely observant, and she took the chance to observe him at work.   
His brow was furrowed as his fingers flew over the keys. He looked so focused and so happy all at the same time. His eyes were completely glued to the screen and every few seconds he would blink and slow before speeding back up with a renewed vigor. It was fascinating.   
After a few minutes his rhythm faltered and then stopped altogether. He looked up and smiled as he met her eyes.   
“Hey, Castle” She said softly and it took him back to an all too similar day in the hospital. He was glad that there was no earth shattering news to reveal this time. Although, today could have been so much worse.   
“You really scared me Kate. How are you feeling?”   
“A little loopy actually.” She said with a shaky laugh. He shut the top to his laptop and came to sit at her hip, powerless to resist the magnetism that was Kate.   
She smiled up at him and put one of her hands on his knee.   
“Thank you, for being there.”   
And now was the moment he had been contemplating for the last three hours. To ask the question or to just let it go. Being a mystery novelist he had never been one to just let go.   
“What happened this morning, Kate?”


	11. Chapter 10: part 2

“What happened this morning, Kate?”   
“I’m fine, Castle.”   
“Kate. What happened this morning?”   
“I fell off the bed, Castle. I’m okay, we can move past it now.” He could tell she wasn’t being completely truthful and that just strengthened his resolve. He gently pulled her up into a sitting position with a pillow at her back as he spoke.  
“Yes. You’re okay Kate, but you almost weren’t. I heard Alexis screaming and came downstairs to find you on the floor. You were in immense pain and there was nothing I could do, again. I need to know. Please.”   
“I thought I could do it. The chair was right there.”   
“Oh, Kate.” Tears were streaming down her face as she continued.   
“I hate it, Castle. I hate this so much. I can’t do anything by myself. I can’t get out of bed, I can’t brush my hair, I can’t get dressed, I’m not even strong enough to wheel farther than the bathroom and back. To be honest, I’m not even sure where I was going to go once I got in it. I couldn’t just lay here. I had to do something. I’m just… I’m just so tired of being broken.” She wanted to say more. How he couldn’t love her, shouldn’t love her like this. She was so broken, she was just a shell of the extraordinary women he thought she was. She wanted to yell at him and tell him to run because she was this close to falling completely apart. He wanted Detective Kate Beckett, but the truth is she had died in the cemetery months ago.   
She doubled over, as far as she could without crying out in pain, and sobbed into her hands. Castle quickly straightened her out and took her into his arms. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and buried her head in his neck.   
He wanted to be angry, he was angry, at her. She should never have done something that dangerous on her own. She was still in pain, still recovering. Did she understand how serious this situation was? She could have been paralyzed by her little stunt this morning. The spine is a very delicate matter, especially when it is still healing. She could have ruined her chance for recovery.   
She would eventually gain most of her independence back. She may never run around after criminals again, but she would be able to live a somewhat normal life. When was she going to understand that she wasn’t invincible and that she was allowed to be weak?  
He was mad, but all of that melted away when she broke down. Ever since the accident, and even before that if he was being honest, he had felt extremely protective over her. He knew that she was superwoman and that she definitely did not need her plucky sidekick to protect her, but it was always there. The need to wrap her up in his arms and take all of her pain away. To keep her beside him 24/7 and never allow anything to hurt her again. He always felt better with her safely in his arms.   
He kissed her forehead and pulled her closer. He finagled his way to sit against the headboard and situated her in his lap. She snuggled closer and fisted his shirt in her hand. Eventually her sobs quieted and he continued to hold her.   
“I’m sorry.” She spoke so softly that he almost didn’t catch it. “I’m sorry I am such a mess. I haven’t cried this much since…well, since my mom.”   
“Don’t you dare apologize Kate. I can only imagine how hard this is. You’ve been shot and you’re whole life has been altered. Honestly, you are a mess right now. You’re hurting, Kate, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be strong all the time, no one expects you to be. You can cry and yell and lash out and do whatever else you need to do, but you can’t do this alone.   
“I’m here to help you through this Kate. I’m not going anywhere, do you hear me?” He pulled her back just far enough so that he could look into her eyes. “You don’t have to try and protect me. No matter what you do, I will always be here. You’re stuck with me Kate. You are my beautiful, stubborn, extraordinary mess and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”  
This time she was crying for an entirely different reason. He pressed a kiss into her hair and was about to pull her back against him when she stopped him with a hand on his chest. She leaned up as far as she could and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.   
It was short and the angle was awkward, but it was all the encouragement he needed. He bent down and pressed his lips to hers in a soft kiss. It was short, sweet, electric, and intoxicating all at once. It was full of everything they needed to know.  
They broke apart and she rested her head on his chest. They didn’t say anything, they were content to simply be with each other for a while. They knew they would have to talk about it. They would need to sit down and figure everything out. What they were to each other, where they were going, how the next few months would work, what she needed from him, what he needed from her, secrets needed to be told and walls knocked down. But right now they were okay to just be.   
“Dad!” Alexis called from the kitchen.   
“In here, Pumpkin.” Castle replied. Kate had fallen asleep against him about half an hour ago and he had tucked her back into her side of the bed to allow her to rest comfortably. He could have held her all day long, but he knew her back would only cramp and be sore when she woke up. So he had let her go and decided to sit next to her on the bed and try and get some writing done instead.   
Alexis appeared in the doorway and took in the scene before her.   
“Umm. Is Kate alright? I mean I know she’s not alright…well what I mean is.” She was stumbling adorably for the right thing to say.   
“She will be fine, Alexis. She was very lucky this morning. It’s pretty late, are you hungry?” Alexis smiled and nodded as she headed out of the room to the kitchen. He looked over at his partner and saw the tell-tale signs that she was waking up. “We’ll meet you in the kitchen.”   
He quickly saved his document and shut down his computer. He retrieved the wheelchair from the corner it had been pushed into that morning and brought it over to the bed. By the time he had the chair in position her eyes were open and trained steadily on him.   
“Hey, sleepy head.” She rolled her eyes at him, but shot him a smile anyway. “The baby bird is hungry and you need to eat again so that you can take your medicine.”   
She nodded and he picked her up, but instead of placing her immediately in her chair he held her tight against him for a few moments. She let her head fall to his shoulder before pressing a kiss on his neck.   
He settled her in the chair and bent down so that he was could look into her eyes.   
“Talk tonight?” She said before he could. He was floored. There was an honesty and an openness in her eyes that he had never seen from her before.   
“It’s a date.” She nodded and smiled widely. He stood up and pushed her out into the living room. He thought his heart was going to explode and his face was going to crack from smiling. He had a date with Kate Beckett.


	12. Chapter 11

“Hey Castle?” Kate inquired quietly. They had been sitting in the oversize lounge chair on her little deck for the past hour after their quiet lunch. He was writing, or trying to write more accurately, and his partner was reading or pretending to. Both partners were completely distracted by their impending ‘talk’.   
They have been avoiding talking about their relationship in any way, shape, or form. Castle’s avoidance was intentional. He knew exactly how he felt about her, but he didn’t want to do anything to scare her away. Kate’s was unintentional. She was focused on getting better, functioning, and remembering to just breathe in and breathe out. She knew it would come eventually and that they would need to lay everything out on the table if they were going to try and move forward, but she was content with where they had been for the past few weeks.   
They had been touching more often and it was becoming increasingly comfortable to reach out for him and take comfort in his arms. He had been reassuring her with his words when she started to berate herself or feel unworthy, but he mostly omitted just how deeply he felt about her. They were closer, but neither was sure just how close the other wanted to be and where that closeness would lead them.   
“Castle?” He looked up from his still mostly blank page and then down at her. She looked timid, scared even. He could read her so easily after all these years together. They could have entire conversations without ever saying a word and it only got easier after the bullet knocked her walls down to the ground.   
He stayed quiet and gave her his full attention as she gathered her thoughts. He knew by now that she needed room to think and to get her thoughts together before she revealed anything that made her even the least bit weak or uncomfortable.   
“I just…well I was thinking… thinking about tonight... and I need, well I need something.” He saw her struggling and reached down to take her hand. The contact seemed to ground her and give her a bit more courage. He was actually beginning to worry. Was she backing out? Was she not ready for their ‘talk’?   
“A shower, Castle. I need a shower.”   
Oh. He hadn’t even thought about that. Of course she would need a shower. There had been people to help her with this at the rehab center and she had taken one right before her discharge, but that had been over 24 hours ago.   
“Not a problem, Kate.” He said with a smile as he closed his laptop and stood up. He covered her with a throw blanket even though it was fairly warm, he knew she rolled her eyes even though he had already turned to go inside.   
His smile turned into a look of concentration as soon as he hit the door. This was a delicate situation and he knew he only had one chance to make this as comfortable and loved as possible.   
KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBBKBKBKBKB  
Half an hour later everything was ready and he went to retrieve Kate. He hadn’t been completely unprepared for her request. He had ordered a chair for the shower a while ago, but had not put it together yet. He also got her the biggest and softest towels he could find and some oversized t-shirts. After setting everything up, he was ready.   
Walking out onto the porch he found her asleep. He was finding that he loved watching Kate sleep. He was sure she would call him creepy and he couldn’t bring herself to care. She looked so peaceful and innocent, like her whole life hadn’t just been shattered. She was beautiful with her hair fanned out around her.   
He was glad she was getting rest. She seemed to always be tired lately, which was completely understandable. He was glad that during the day at least she was not plagued by nightmares and could get some rest. He hated to interrupt her peaceful slumber, but he knew if they were going to get to his plans on time tonight then the shower she had requested couldn’t wait.   
“Kate?” he prodded as he sat beside her and began to wake her up. “Kate.”   
She must not have been asleep long because her eyes were open and half-alert when he called her name a second time.   
“Ready?” She nodded and he scooped her up in his arms. He bypassed the chair and simply carried her into her room and sat her on the bed. She looked up at him and he could tell how uncomfortable and ashamed she was. She wouldn’t even look him in the eyes.   
He knew this would be a little bit uncomfortable for her. She was already ashamed of how much trouble she thought she was, and now she needed help in the most intimate of ways.   
The problem was that getting in and out of the shower was not the only thing she needed help with. Her entire body was still recovering and she didn’t even have the strength and mobility in her arms to be able to properly wash her hair and body.   
“Kate. You don’t have to worry, okay.” He put his fingers under her chin and lifted so that her eyes would meet his. “Do you trust me?”   
“Always.” She said as she gave him a timid smile. It wasn’t that she thought he would hurt her or that things would go wrong. She was more embarrassed and didn’t want it to be awkward. She did trust him and she hoped he knew that.   
“Put this on and I will be back in a second, alright?” She nodded and took the large black t-shirt he gave her. He walked into the bathroom to start the shower and find the right temperature as she took off her shirt and bra, and pulled the shirt over her head. It was an XL so it covered everything sufficiently.   
‘That sweet man.’ She thought. It would be weird showering with a shirt on, but she felt better knowing that she would not be fully exposed while he helped her shower.   
She could only get her yoga pants halfway down her thighs without leaning over too far or the use of her legs. She huffed in annoyance at herself and her situation. Before she could try anything else Castle walked out of the bathroom in swim trunks and a light t-shirt.   
Without a second thought he gently removed her yoga pants. He was careful not to touch her skin and was a perfect gentleman. She didn’t even feel uncomfortable about it.   
He then wasted no time in picking her up and carrying her to the bathroom. She thought about chastising him for not using the chair, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She secretly loved being snuggled against his strong chest. She felt safe and warm, like everything was right in the world.   
When he arrived in the bathroom, he stepped into the shower and sat her on a clean white chair. The chair was padded and looked like a cross between an office chair and a beach chair. It was not under the spray of the water, yet but it could be easily slid there by unlocking the wheels and then locking them again once it was adjusted.   
“Comfortable?” Castle said when she was fully settled.   
“Yes.” She replied.   
He smiled and went around her chair to pull her under the spray.   
KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBBKBKB  
She was in heaven. She had died and gone to heaven right here in the shower. He was washing her hair and it was fantastic. She had been reduced to a purring kitten under his touch.   
No one had washed her hair like this since she was 7 and she had broken her arm. Her mother had to do it for two months and she had hated the lack of independence, but now she couldn’t come up with a complaint if she tried.   
At first it had been awkward sitting in a chair with a heavy, wet shirt on; but as soon as his hands started working product through her hair, she had absolutely no more complaints.   
It was different than when her hairdresser did it with a practiced, robotic touch. Castle was almost passionate about it, if that was possible. He took care that all of her hair was shampooed and worked it through her hair thoroughly. It was quite the experience.   
It was over all too soon, though as he washed the conditioner out of her hair and went to turn the water off, but she had other plans.   
“Uh, Castle?”   
“Yeah.” He said, bending down to look her in the eyes. When he first started bending down to speak to her she had felt degraded, like a child being scolded or coddled, but he was quick to explain. He wanted to look at her when he spoke to her. He wanted to be able to look into her eyes and have a real conversation without having to tower over her.  
Now she liked being on the same level. It was something that she had longed for in her profession and part of the reasoning behind the sky high heels she insisted on wearing. Now she had nothing to help level her with the world. She was permanently below everyone else in the world and when she had stopped having such a pity party for herself she realized how much she appreciated talking to his face and not his knees.   
“Do you think you could do something, well get something, for me?” She looked up at him with more of the timidness that was so foreign on Beckett, but had become a familiar look for his Kate.  
KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKKBKB  
She felt awkward asking for a razor and some shaving cream, but she was so glad that she had asked. He had ran upstairs and retrieved one from somewhere, she really didn’t want to know which of the Castle/Rodgers women he had to ask. He was back in a flash and kneeling in front of her.   
“Uh, what do you think you are doing?” She had said with as much bark as she could manage.   
“You wanted to shave your legs, right?” He asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.   
“Yes, Castle, so I could shave my legs. Key word here ‘I’. There is no way you are shaving my legs.” She finished with a huff of annoyance.   
“Kate, you couldn’t even manage to get your yoga pants off ten minutes ago, I don’t think shaving your legs is going to be doable. I really don’t mind. Just let me help you.” He looked so sincere she almost caved, but she still had some of her pride left and she wanted to be able to hang on to it.   
“Not a chance, Castle. You can wait outside.” He looked skeptical for a moment, but she gave him the scariest Beckett glare she could manage and he acquiesced. He knew there was no use fighting her on this. He dropped the supplies in her hands and walked out of the stall. Even though he was worried, he couldn’t help but smile, a little piece of Beckett had just reemerged.  
Only after Castle left did she realize exactly how difficult this was going to be. She was weak, but she was determined to not let this get the better of her.   
After about five minutes, and a lot of finagling and strategizing she realized there was no way, not without some help, and she was starting to look like a prune.   
“Castle.” She called.   
He immediately opened the door to the walk in shower and stood with his hands on his hips.   
“Oh stop looking so smug,” she chastised. “Can you just, put me on the floor…maybe.”   
“Of course, Kate.” He didn’t even sound condescending or anything. She was impressed, though she was sure the ‘I told you so’s would start eventually.   
He picked her up out of the chair and sat her against the wall. It took a lot of energy to stay sitting up on the wet floor, but she would manage.   
“Alright, I’m good now. Thank you.” She said it in a matter-of-fact tone that indicated that was all she needed, again he stepped out with a smile.   
She was sitting with her legs placed up almost against her stomach just as he had carried her. She held them up with one arm and hurriedly shaved her legs. It was an extremely awkward angle and her arms were exhausted, but she managed to complete the task relatively quickly and accurately.   
By the time she was done she was drained of all of her energy. She called Castle back and he could hear the exhaustion in her voice. He brought her a towel and dried her off and wrapped her up tight. He moved her out to her room and set her on another towel that he placed on the bed.   
“Wait right here, okay.” She nodded her head and tried not to fall over.   
Luckily he was back in only a handful of seconds with Martha in tow.   
Martha helped rid her of her shirt and underwear and get into dry clothes, while Castle changed in the bathroom. It wasn’t an optimal situation, but it was necessary. She indicated to Martha what she wanted to wear and the older woman gave her a smile, before helping her dress.   
It was the farthest thing from her usual attire. It was a red, sweetheart neck-lined sundress that was fitted at the top and flared out a just a little bit at the bottom. It had spaghetti straps and fit her like a glove. Lanie had made sure it was packed in one of her bags as soon as Kate had decided to go to the Hamptons. She had bought it impulsively a few years back after Lanie had practically screamed in the boutique dressing room about how good it looked on her. She had never worn it, never had anywhere to wear it too. But it was perfect for tonight.   
It was a little big on her now, with all of the weight she had lost and hadn’t yet gained back, but it still looked good. Martha helped her brush her hair and tie it back in an effortless braid. She also helped put a little bit of color on her cheeks, a thin line of eyeliner on her top lid, and some mascara for good measure. She knew Castle could care less whether she was wearing makeup or not, but she wanted to feel pretty and confident. She would need as much confidence as she could muster if she was going to say all she wanted to tonight.   
“You look gorgeous, Darling.” Martha said when all of the towels and clothes had been put in the hamper and she was resting against the made bed with her feet stretched out in front of her.   
“Thank you, Martha, for everything.” She said shyly. The older woman bent down to hug her, and then took her leave muttering something about other plans and having a good time. As soon as she was out the door, the bathroom door opened and Castle stepped out.  
“Wow.” He said as he looked at his stunning date. She was wearing a red sundress with her still-wet hair in a braid down her back. A few tendrils of hair had escaped and hung down to perfectly frame her face. He could tell she had put some light makeup on. Not as much as in the city when her makeup was part of her tough girl Beckett mask, just enough to soften her features and have his heart quickening in response. She looked amazing.   
He always thought she looked amazing in red, well she looked amazing in anything, but especially in red. His mind went back to the diamond smuggling case they had worked when she had gone out with the pin-up boy. He had been so jealous of her that night. But it was him she had gone to the comfort food truck with, and him who had gotten to take her home (well technically it was her car so she had taken him home, but who needs details. Now she was his, or he hoped she would be after tonight.   
He went to the corner of the room and retrieved her chair. When it was at the edge of the bed he bent down and lifted her effortlessly into her seat and she smoothed out her skirt.   
“Ready to go?”   
“Absolutely.”


	13. Chapter 12

He pushed her through the empty house, Martha had gone off to who knows where and Alexis was out with friends, and out onto the back porch. Kate gasped as she took in the sight before her, it was breathtaking.  
The sun had already set and the night was warm. The top of the gazebo was completely lit up with lights that reminded Kate of quiet childhood Christmases at her Father’s cabin. There was white fabric draped from the rafters, blowing softly in the wind where they hung down along the columns. There, in the middle of the open wooden floor, was a beautifully set table complete with a white table cloth, a beautiful bouquet of red roses, and candles lighting up the middle.   
She was completely blown away. No one had ever done anything like this for her before, nothing even came close. She had no idea how he even had time to arrange all of this. There was so much she wanted to say to him, so much she wanted him to know, so much to thank him for, but nothing would come out. She was completely speechless.   
“Oh, Castle.” She managed to get out after quite a few seconds. She looked up into his eyes and saw the apprehension written all over his face and she knew her previous actions were the cause. “It’s so beautiful, Castle.”   
She saw the moment his face changed and he breathed a sigh of relief. His face spread into a huge smile as he stared down at her.   
“Really Castle, how did you pull all of this off?”  
“Oh you know…I know I guy.” He smirked as he pushed her down the short ramp and down the path leading them to their future.   
KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBBKBKBKBKBBKBKBKB  
Turns out he knew quite a few guys. No sooner had they settled down at their table that a waiter appeared out of thin air with iced water and salads.   
The night was perfect. They ate a delicious meal, the best she had in weeks. Amazingly it still followed all of her dietary restrictions and tasted like it deserved five stars. They easily fell into a light and comfortable conversation throughout the meal.   
They reminisced about their most memorable cases and the boys back in New York. Castle told some stories about a young Alexis and Kate shared a few fond memories as well. She was quickly finding out that talking about her childhood and being reminded of her mother was becoming easier and easier with each passing day, especially with Castle.   
By the time the desert, yogurt parfait with fresh fruit, about the only thing resembling desert she could have, had been cleared away the conversation had died down. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but they could both feel the promised “talk” hanging over them. Both parties were nervous about what was to come.   
They had never before been on the same page and everything they had, and hoped to have in the future, was on the line. If this conversation didn’t go well who knows what would happen to them? However, they couldn’t go on in the holding pattern they were in, regardless of the impending consequences. They needed to sort out exactly what they meant to each other and what they each wanted for their future.   
“Kate?” He questioned lightly as he took her hand from across the table. She looked up with slightly glassy eyes. He looked into her eyes and she gave him a little nod. There was no avoiding it now, it was time.   
“I’ll go first.” They both said at the same time. The tension eased a little bit as they both let out a chuckle. They met each other’s eyes again and Kate giggled. She actually giggled. Kate Beckett didn’t giggle.   
“I feel like I’m fifteen again.” She said through a sigh. There was a pregnant pause before Castle began. He couldn’t wait any longer. The truth of the matter was he had waited so long for this. He knew he had to get it all out and lay all of his cards down for her. He wanted to open his heart completely for her and give her everything he could.  
“I love you, Kate.” Her eyes snapped up to his with his bold start. It wasn’t the first time she heard him say it, but it was still an overwhelming feeling. It made her heart hammer in her chest and it only quickened when she looked into his eyes and saw the complete and utter adoration and sincerity there for her. She had seen it in all of his actions since they had been here, even before then really. “I love you so much and I can’t go through my life without you in it. I know that that’s heavy and a lot to take in, but you have to know. You have to know everything. I don’t want to have to tiptoe around my feelings and I don’t want you to have to tiptoe around yours, okay.”   
She nodded her head but didn’t interrupt. She knew that he wasn’t finished and she knew better then to interfere with his train of thought. “Kate, I don’t care if you never walk another step. I just want you. I never want you to have to be alone. I know you aren’t ready for a ring or a white dress and we have so much to figure out before then, but that’s what I want. If we do this. I want you to know that that is what I want for us. I want everything with you because you are everything to me.”  
Her eyes had migrated down to their joined hands on the table as he spoke. It was a lot to take in and only a few short months ago she would have been running in the opposite direction, but in this moment she found that she didn’t want to run, well most of her didn’t, even if she could.   
“Kate?” She looked up when he called her name and she saw the slight fear and vulnerability in his eyes.   
Come on, Kate. Get it together. She thought. You can do this. You can give him this after all he has done for you. Words never came easy for her. Words were his thing. She had always had problems putting words to her emotions and even bigger problems getting up the courage to voice them.   
“I want that, too, Castle.” She said it so quietly that he almost missed it. “I want you….I just want you.” It wasn’t much, but it was all he needed to hear. She wanted him and he wanted her. All the rest could sort itself out. He leaned over and caught her lips in a perfect, if a little awkward, kiss.   
When air became a necessity they pulled away and sat back in their respective chairs, hands still clasped. For a while they just smiled at each other like love drunk teenagers, breathing twin sighs of relief as they realized they never had anything to worry about. They sat for a few minutes in comfortable silence before going deeper into their conversation.   
This time she began. “I guess it isn’t really that simple anymore is it?”  
“What do you mean, Kate?” It wasn’t a biting or accusatory question, just a curious one.   
“Well, after…everything. It just isn’t… life isn’t going to be normal anymore Castle. If you…well if we are together it’s just…. I’m not doing a very good job of this am I?” They laughed a little together. He had never seen her so flustered and he found it quite the adorable sight.   
She took a deep breath and organized her thoughts again. “I’m never going to be Detective Beckett again. At least not the Detective Beckett you knew. I just… I can’t be that person anymore. I’m just scared that…”   
“Scared that what, Kate, scared that I won’t love you just because you aren’t running around jumping tall buildings and making drug dealers cry in your four inch heels?” The dip of her head told her everything he needed to know. “Oh, no Kate. You don’t believe that do you? There is so much more to you than just Detective Becket and I love every side of you, even the sides I’ve only been able to catch a glimpse of. But I want to get to know every side of you. I want to know everything there is about you. I really don’t care if you are never a detective again, I will be your partner either way, in crime or in life.”   
She gave him a watery smile, “I want that with you, too, Castle. I want to know everything about you. I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me about your past or to tell me what you want for the future. If you haven’t figured it out already, I am in no condition to run away from you!” He blanched a little before finding his ability to laugh at her terrible joke.   
“Well in that case… Hi, I’m Rick.” He said with a smile on his face as he reached out a hand.   
She took it and gave it a firm shake before replying. “Hi, I’m Kate.”   
KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKB  
They talked for a while. Each divulging new information to the other, freed by their confessions. They spoke a little about everything and felt very much like they were two strangers meeting for the first time. They never let go of each other’s hands and stopped every once in a while to steal a kiss or just sit comfortably with one another. The world melted away and left them alone in the gazebo. All of the drama and criminals and families was forgotten.   
Finally she yawned and he decided it was time to call it a night, it was starting to get chilly anyway and he didn’t want her to be cold. They had a big day tomorrow and he didn’t want her to be tired. Kate was against the idea, tired or not.   
“I just… I don’t want this night to end. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow to find it was all a dream or to find everything awkward or changed between us.”   
“Nothing’s going to change between us, Kate. But if, you’re really set on not going in, there is an alternative.” She watched as he took out his phone and made practiced swipes across the screen. She couldn’t quite see the screen, but she didn’t have to wait very long before music spilled out of the small device. The sweet and sultry notes of Coltrane filled the air around them.   
“Dance with me?” He stood before her and offered her his hand. She looked up at him in confusion, she couldn’t even walk much less dance, but she took his hand anyway. She knew and trusted him enough to know he had a plan already formulated.   
He bent down and scooped her into his arms. Instead of their normal hold he picked her up as if she were a toddler resting on his hip, except she was facing him fully instead of resting on his hip. His arms provided support for her and she rested comfortably against his chest. Her arms came up around his neck as he began to sway to the music.   
Eventually her head fell onto his shoulder and she relaxed completely. It wasn’t exactly as she had imagined dancing with him, she would never admit it but she had thought about it once or twice, but it was perfect. The perfect moment with Coltrane mixing in with the waves in the background. She felt safe and happy with him, especially knowing where they stood. Knowing that they were moving forward together, she felt invincible.


	14. Chapter 13

Eventually the song ended and the chill in the air increased. During the dance Kate’s head had come to rest on his shoulder and he could feel her struggling to stay awake. He didn’t even bother with her chair. He simply picked up his phone and continued to hold her tight as he carried her to bed. He simply wasn’t ready to let go yet.   
If Kate had been a little less tired she would have been surprised at his ability to carry her for so long. Though she had lost a significant amount of weight over the last few months, she had also noticed that he was much more toned than she originally thought. He was by no means a small man, but what she hadn’t realized was that a lot of his size was due to muscle.   
They reached the house and he carried her straight into her room. He placed her on the bed and she immediately relaxed into the mattress, her eyes still closed. He went to the dresser and located a comfortable XL t-shirt for her to wear to bed before returning to her side.   
She opened her eyes when she felt his gaze on her and watched as he came to rest by her hip. He pushed her hair behind her ear before helping her sit up and handing her the shirt. While she busied herself with that task he walked into the bathroom and wet a washcloth for her face.   
He returned to see her dressed and waiting against her pillows. He returned to his spot at her hip and began gently wiping the makeup from her face. They were silent as they were each lost in their own thoughts. He hadn’t even realized she was crying until he lowered the washcloth and threw it into the laundry bin in the corner.   
“Hey, hey, don’t cry.” He soothed gently as he wiped the tears from her eyes. She nodded but the tears continued to fall. He crawled into the bed and pulled her close, allowing her to be vulnerable. She quickly regained composure and her breathing evened out as he rubbed her back soothingly.   
He didn’t pry as to her reason for crying, just allowed her the moment and waited for her to come to him. He knew her well enough to know that pushing her was only going to cause her to shut down and become defensive. So instead he simply held her. It didn’t take long for her to open up.   
“I just never thought that I would get to have this.” She whispered into his chest. “After my mother was murdered I never thought I would be happy again. And then my father started drinking and he threw words around. I know now that he didn’t mean them, but they still hurt. Then you came into my life and the world got a little bit brighter, even when I still hated you. And yes, we hurt one another, but we always made it through a little bit closer, a little bit stronger. I was finally in a place where I thought maybe just maybe we had a chance. Maybe I was with the wrong guy, maybe the right guy had been hiding in plain sight. And then I was shot and my life completely shattered.   
“Everything came crashing down around me and I thought my chances for happiness were gone.” She paused for a minute and he pulled her tighter to him. He hated that she had gone through so much hurt. He was furious for the people that had continually failed her and he refused to allow his name to ever appear on that list. He would do everything in his power to keep her safe and happy for the rest of her life.   
“And yet here you are. You are an amazing man, Richard Castle. I don’t know how you can love someone like me, but I am so grateful that you do. I love you so much. And you deserve to know that you make me happy. No matter if we last forever or crash and burn next week, you’ve made my life so much better, so much happier, so thank you.”   
He could not believe what he was hearing. He didn’t know if it was the pain meds or the exhaustion, but whatever gave Kate the freedom to open up was making him incredibly happy.   
“Kate, you are extraordinary. I know you don’t believe me, but I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you.” His words were few but they meant the world to her. His words had gotten her through the toughest years of her life and he continued to build her up. Hearing his indirect promise of forever didn’t even make her want to flee. It was a little bit daunting, but she found when she was in Castle’s arms she didn’t mind sappy so much.   
They stayed in silence for a while longer just enjoying being with each other. They were finally together. After years of struggle and heartbreak, they were finally giving this a chance. Finally admitting to being hopelessly in love. They knew that this glow would never last. There was a lot more pain and struggle to come, but in that moment they both knew deep down that they could survive it together.


	15. Chapter 14

Whenever he imagined a relationship with Kate Beckett he never imagined that he would be an earlier riser than she was. Although a bullet wound was also never invited to the party either. But sure enough he woke up well before his partner. He wasn’t complaining, though. He stayed in bed for a while content to watch her sleep next to him.   
He had laid her flat shortly after she had fallen asleep the night before. As much as he loved being her human pillow they couldn’t afford for her back to be under any more stress than it already was.   
He tore himself away from her so that he could prepare for the long day ahead. She had her first at home therapy session today and he figured after that they could veg out on the couch with Alexis and maybe even continue their Star Wars saga.   
He first went into his office and did some rearranging. He pushed the desk to the far wall and moved everything so that the middle of the floor was completely clear. He then set up the padded therapy table he had ordered and freed up a couple of pillows for their use as well.   
With that out of the way, he took the opportunity to check his emails. Nothing too important, a few from Gina in all caps asking why he still hadn’t sent her anything on the new book, way too much spam, and a few others he stored away to read more thoroughly later. Still no word from the boys on the status of the case, he made a mental note to actually call them instead of having half conversations over text. Maybe he could even invite them up for a weekend when Kate was feeling more up to it.   
Yesterday had been fabulous. They had a perfect first date and they had talked and laid out all of their feelings. There was still a lot to learn and more questions to answer, but they were at least on the same page now. They both loved each other and that wasn’t going away.  
Despite all of that, he knew that she was still struggling. She was still in constant pain and she was still feeling mostly helpless. She couldn’t even brush her own hair. Her body was so weak and most of the time she still needed help sitting up.   
She was taking pain medication, but only because he was continuously forcing it on her. They had come to an agreement that she could take half of what they prescribed as long as she took it. She was so fiercely independent and wouldn’t rely on anything to get her through.   
He knew today was going to be tough and the peacefulness of yesterday was probably not going to happen very often, if at all in the foreseeable future.   
After checking his emails and sending Gina a strongly worded email about his priorities, he went about making breakfast. He made toast, fruit, and eggs for Kate (eggs would be a small stretch for her diet, but a nice protein filled treat before therapy) and waffles with strawberries and whipped cream with a side of bacon for Alexis.   
Just as he took the last waffle out of the iron Alexis came down the stairs. Her hair was thrown up in a messy bun and she was wearing a bathing suit under her jean shorts and tank top.   
“Hey Pumpkin! How was your night on the town? Is Paige having a nice summer?” He asked as he set her plate down in front of her.   
“It was fine, she’s fine.” Came her short reply before she dug into her breakfast. He was growing increasingly worried about Alexis these days. She always gave him short answers and was using every chance she could to get out of the house. Normally she went out and had fun with her friends during the summer. All the girls went to each other’s houses for cook outs and sleepovers, but she always spent the majority of her time with him. This year it was the other way around.   
“Any big plans for the day?” He asked as he waited for the toast.   
“No.” She replied still way too invested in her food. He didn’t have the chance to reply before the toast popped up from the toaster and the cooking was done. He left her alone for the time being, hoping that she was just going through some teenage phase and made a mental note to ask Kate about it. She always knew what to say.   
With that he left Alexis to her waffles and went to wake Kate. He wanted her to have plenty of time to eat before her appointment at 10am. He walked into the room and pulled her chair to the edge of the bed before sitting down at her hip.   
“Kate,” He said softly, running his fingers through her hair. “Rise and shine.”   
She grunted adorably and blinked her eyes open to peer up at him.   
“G’morning.” She slurred as she took her time to get her bearings.   
“Good morning, gorgeous.” He replied as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. She was smiling when he pulled away and helped her to sit up. Her smile faded a bit and she bit back a wince, but he, of course, caught it. He steadied her with his arms for a moment and allowed her to stabilize and work through the stiffness and pain before he let go.   
“I know. It is definitely time for some more medicine, but you can’t take it until you eat some breakfast.”  
She didn’t even protest to the food or the medication. He lifted her up and situated her in the chair with a blanket over her thighs.  
He pushed her out into the kitchen and seated her at the table. He kissed her on the head and went to retrieve both their plates. He spied Alexis still sitting on her stool with her phone in one hand and her fork in the other.   
“Hey why don’t you come sit with us at the table while you finish?” He suggested.   
She never even looked up before replying, “I’m almost done.”   
He shook his head and came back to Kate with the food. She was looking better, a little more alert and in control. She lit up when she saw the breakfast that wasn’t just plain yogurt and fruit.   
He hadn’t even sat down beside her before she took a heaping bite and moaned in appreciation.   
“God that’s good.” She said as she popped another forkful into her mouth and took a bite of toast. He was glad that he could make at least one of his girls smile.   
The doorbell rang forty minutes later and Kate visibly tensed. He rose from where he was sitting next to her in the living room and went for the door, giving her shoulder an encouraging squeeze as he passed.   
Dr. Keller was a big man. He was built, but muscular. He was kind and warm when he introduced himself and was very well put together. He came with the highest recommendation and was generally regarded as the best in the business.   
Kate seemed to be comfortable with him, though she still put on a mask as soon as he stepped into the room. He had learned that it was a privilege and an honor to truly know Kate Beckett. It took hard work and time, and was shown to only a select few. He was grateful to be one of them.   
Kate had changed into leggings and a tank top. She had refused to let him help although it took her a very long time and he could tell it was a very strenuous task. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could allow her to struggle with it alone when he was perfectly capable of helping.   
She had told him he could stay with her during therapy as long as he behaved and didn’t get in the way. So he stood beside her as she lay on the table. The therapist did most of the work for the first part. Moving her legs and manipulating her body. The idea was to make sure that her muscles didn’t stop working and become completely useless.   
At this point they were confident that she would regain feeling and a little bit of motion back into her legs. She would never be able to fully bear weight, but there was hope that her legs would not be completely useless.   
Next, Dr. Keller employed electro-therapy. He attached electrodes to various places along her legs and administered ripples through them to work the muscles and get them to react. By this time, he could tell that Kate was not faring well. He had never been in one of these sessions and it was killing him not to reach out and try to comfort her, but he didn’t want to risk being kicked out.   
He couldn’t imagine her going through this every day, though he would have to get used to the idea. If it was this bad today, he didn’t even want to think about the first few sessions. Even the slightest exercises and movements was painful to her.   
Finally he had taken all he could when a tear escaped from her tightly shut eyes. He stepped forward and took her small hand in his and squeezed, showing his silent support and encouragement. He knew it was completely necessary for her to go through and there was no way for her to get better without the therapy, but she didn’t have to go through it alone. He was here for her even if it was just to hold her hand.   
Her eyes opened upon the contact and locked with his. She got lost in the brilliant blue and took strength and comfort from them.   
Soon, the session was over and the Doctor packed all of his things. Castle moved Kate to the couch while he saw the man out and thanked him for the session and made all the arrangements for the next meeting.   
Dr. Keller was impressed with her stamina and promised to work more on completing tasks in their next session. Lastly, he left Castle with some exercises for her arms and encouraged him to work with her some more when she felt up to it.   
When he returned to the office he didn’t hesitate to scoop her up and take her back to bed. He could tell she was in pain and exhausted from the morning. She was already half asleep when he pulled the sheets up around her. She practically sank into the mattress and he breathed a sigh of relief to see her comfortable again. Or at least, as comfortable as she could be. He pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth and went to stand, but her hand on his leg stopped him.   
“Stay,” she murmured. “just until…I fall…asleep.” The way her words were coming to her he didn’t doubt it would take thirty seconds for sleep to claim her, but he crawled over her and settled down with her anyway. He draped an arm around her and she sighed happily. He loved how clingy she was these days. He knew it was from medication and constant exhaustion, but he couldn’t help falling in love with her a little more each time she showed how much she craved his touch.   
“Thank you.” She whispered after a few moments “For being there.”   
“No place I’d rather be, love” He whispered back as her breathing evened out and she succumbed to exhaustion. He was actually glad she wasn’t fully coherent to hear his term of endearment because he was sure she would have at least smacked him for it.   
When he was sure she was completely out he got up and left her a note and her phone for when she woke up and headed off to find his daughter.


	16. Chapter 15

He found her down by the shore, lounging on a beach chair under an umbrella. When he got closer he could see her reading what appeared to be a textbook. He shook his head.   
Ever since she was a little girl she demanded to be taken to be taken to the teaching supply store on the second day of summer. She would pick out a workbook or textbook that interested her and work through it all summer. She was his little freak of nature, always wanting to learn. 

He didn’t even know what book she had chosen this summer. In the last couple of years she had gone by herself to the store and he would find out what it was when she fell asleep with it on her chest or learned something so interesting she just had to share it. 

“Soaking up the sun, Pumpkin?” He asked as he came to sit next to her in the sand. 

“Hmmm” was the only reply she made. Either she was avoiding conversation or she was way too interested in, what appeared to be, her Russian lesson of the day. 

“Hey, Alexis, can I talk to you for a second?” She sighed heavily, but closed the book and turned so that she could see his face. He took that as an invitation to continue. “I’m just worried about you. You haven’t been your usual self lately. And I know you’re growing up but this seems… I don’t know, heavier than that. You’ve been much quieter lately and every time I turn around your up and out the door.

“I know you need to spend time with your friends but I can’t help but feel as though you are trying to avoid me. I know we’ve been through a lot these past couple of months, but I just want you to know you can come talk to me, about anything. I miss you and I just want you to be happy.” He spoke his piece and then remained quiet, waiting for her to come to him. He was struck with how similar she was to Kate in this respect. Both needed space and time to collect themselves before speaking and neither responded well to being pushed or questioned. He figured the best way to get answers was to leave most of the talking up to her and let her speak all of her mind. 

For her part, Alexis was torn. On the one hand, she wanted to stomp her foot and scream and cry and act like a complete two-year-old. She knew that it was a completely irrational way for her to act, but it was partly how she was feeling. On the other hand, she wanted to just keep stewing and stay mad at her father and his partner for the foreseeable future. Then there was the part of her that wanted to sit here and confess all of what she was feeling to her dad, get it all out, and be comforted, hopefully, by her dad. The fact of the matter was: she had missed him too. 

“I’m just so confused right now, dad. I’m confused and hurt and sad and I don’t know how to feel or what to do, and there are so many emotions and they’re all over the place.” She took a deep breath and tried to sort out all of her emotions. 

Castle couldn’t help but assist in her process, “Why don’t you just start with one emotion and work your way out from there?” 

She nodded her head and looked out to the waves as she decided where to start. “Well, I’m overwhelmingly confused. I’m confused about who I am and who I am supposed to be. I have college applications to fill out and majors to consider and I have my whole life right here in front of me and I don’t even know where to begin. I want to go to Stanford, I’ve always wanted to go to Stanford, but I have no idea what I want to study or who I want to be. I mean, how can I? I’m barely a senior in high school and they want me to choose all of this right now. 

“And on top of that, my dad was almost shot at a funeral right in front of me. I mean it’s one thing to see Detective Beckett, or anyone really, get shot, but, Dad, I thought you’d been shot. I saw you fall on top of her, I saw you jump in front of her, and, God dad, if you’d been the one dying in the grass… I have no idea what I would’ve done.”   
She was out of her chair, pacing by this point. Her voice was raised and he was infinitely glad that this was a private beach. “Did you even think about me before you jumped in front of a bullet? Did you even think about what would happen to me if you had died that day? Well I have because I dream about it almost every night. You’re not a cop, Dad. You shouldn’t be in the line of fire. You didn’t sign up for this, you didn’t take an oath, and you don’t wear a badge. You’re a writer and you’re all I have, Dad. You are all I’ve ever had, you and Gram.” She took a deep breath to school her emotions. He almost interrupted to reassure her, but even if he could’ve found the words he could tell she was far from done.   
“And I might have been able to come to terms with that if I didn’t have to watch your heart be broken by her every day. At first it was just because of her diagnosis, but it just spiraled from there. She shut you out and she refused to see you and I watched as you retreated farther and farther away because of it. You were so distant and you were not the man I know, or knew. You were so depressed and you didn’t write or read or play Xbox. Nothing. It was like you were hollow. 

“But you never stopped. You never stopped calling about her or going to see her and I had no idea what to think. I mean, I know you care about her, but something had to give. Every day you came back a little more deflated, a little more detached. I was slowly losing you, dad. It was like you both were shot that day. You were both shattered.   
“I was so mad at her. So freaking mad! I watched you try to take a bullet for you. I watched you selfishly and stupidly jump in front of her, and yet she was still ignoring you. How messed up is that? You would have died for her and she wouldn’t even talk to you. I know you were trying to shield me from it, but I heard you and Gram talk about it and face it Dad she can’t exactly keep her mouth shut.” The poor attempt at humor did little to lighten the mood. Alexis turned and walked back to her chair.   
“I just can’t fathom how you do this. You uprooted your whole life, you let her come stay here with us, and you have done everything for her. I just don’t understand. I am hurt that you would bring her here and I am sad because I feel like you’ve changed. Not just this summer, but over the past three years. You’re different now. You smile a little less and you’re more serious. You’re not the Dad that ate ice cream for breakfast and tried to convince me that my second grade art teacher was an evil genius.” Finally, for the first time since she had begun, she looked at her father. “I’m just so lost here.” 

Her voice was so small that it broke his heart. He realized that he had made a big mistake. Not by jumping in front of a bullet or for loving his partner, but in running under the assumption that his little girl was still little. She was right, he had tried to shield her from everything that was happening. Especially after the day he let her hear the diagnosis. He had seen the horror on her face and he had promised to keep her out of it as much as he could. He thought that maybe he could keep his lives separate. Of course, not forever. And he wanted nothing more than to see Kate and Alexis together and happy. But he thought that at least in the very beginning he could keep his little girl safe and happy at home while he worked with Beckett. He thought this summer he could just put them together again. 

He always forgot how mature and intuitive Alexis was. She wasn’t his little girl anymore and she deserved to know what was going on. It broke his heart that she hadn’t come to him earlier and she had chosen to keep everything inside. Maybe she was a little more like Kate than he thought. 

“Alexis, I know what you’re going through right now and I know that you don’t know exactly who you are right now. It’s okay to not know exactly what you want to do. I think you still have plenty of time to decide. I will be here for you to help you in whatever way I can, but this is important for you to do on your own. I can help you get some ideas, but the choice will have to be yours. We have a whole summer to work out your options. 

“And You know what, I have changed with my time at the precinct, but I think it’s for the better. I’ve grown up and become a better man. Kate has made me want to become a better man and a better father for you. But come on, it’s me we’re talking about. And for the record I ate ice cream for breakfast just last week! You have nothing to worry about. Just because I grow up a little doesn’t mean that I won’t be the same old, embarrassing dad your used to.” He took a deep breath and then started in with the heavy stuff. 

“I am not going to apologize for choosing to try and save Kate. I know that’s hard to understand and I know that it was a little bit reckless of me, but I just can’t bring myself to apologize. I am so sorry for scaring you and for not talking to you about what happened after. I had no idea that you were having so much trouble with this and I would have definitely done more to help you through, and I will starting right now. 

“I was still treating you like a little girl and trying to protect you from all that was happening and so I decided it was best to just keep you out of it. I know now that you needed answers and you needed to be kept in the loop. I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.” He wrestled with himself for a split second on what to say to her, how much to tell her and what would be too much. But then he heard, in a very Beckett-like voice, ‘vincit omnia veritas, truth conquers all’. He knew that Kate would want him to be completely honest. “But maybe it would be easier if I told you the whole story…” 

They spent the rest of the afternoon sitting under the sun as Castle told his daughter everything. He told her about Kate’s mother’s murder, she knew the basics, but he went a little more in depth. He told her about Captain Montgomery, about how he brought the case up again, about how much she had been hurt. He left out some of the more graphic and political things out, but by the end she knew the gist of what happened. 

Telling the story he realized just how many times Kate had been let down. Her father, Royce, Will, Montgomery, everyone she had trusted had did her wrong. It was a wonder she was still functioning at all. He then realized that he was the only one she had let completely in. He had broken down her walls and she had chosen to trust him with her whole heart. He promised himself to never let her down intentionally again. He would not allow his name to join the list of failures in her life.

He told her about all the times they had broken each other’s hearts. He told her everything from before and after the bullet. Maybe it was a little bit much for one sitting, but to be honest it felt good to tell her everything. He wanted her to know the whole truth and knew deep down that she wouldn’t settle for anything less. He swore her to secrecy and told her that it was never to be discussed outside the family. It felt good to include her in the little family they had made at the precinct. 

Finally, he told her that they were dating. He thought she needed to know and it was only a matter of time before she found out anyway, they were living in the same house after all. She took it well, just nodded her head like she had to everything else. He was glad she wasn’t completely opposed, and hoped she would see in time that it was a good thing.   
When he was through, they both sat silently for a while. Alexis knew that she had judged Detective Beckett a little too quickly. She didn’t know how much the woman had been through. She knew that her mother had been murdered and that the killer had never been caught, but she couldn’t believe everything that had been done and said. She was sure that her father had given her the PG version, but she could read between the lines. She even found herself admiring the detective the way she had all those years ago. 

She was a little bit ashamed of her actions, but she was glad to have the whole story and it felt good to get everything off of her chest. She knew that it would take a while to get used to the idea of sharing her father and one afternoon didn’t solve everything. She actually had a lot more questions for him and for Detective Beckett, honestly, but they were both pretty worn out and she wanted to digest everything she had learned. 

After a few minutes, Alexis threw herself into her father’s arms. He was a little bit surprised at first, but he soon pulled her into one of his famous bear hugs. It felt good to be comforted by her father and she had no idea what took her so long to come to him. 

“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling some Star Wars coming on.” He said as he released her. 

“YES!” She replied enthusiastically. 

“Well then let’s go. We need to at least have some dinner before we stuff ourselves with popcorn.” 

She laughed, the first genuine laugh he had heard from her in a while. “Maybe this new you isn’t so bad after all!” 

And with that they raced back to the house with smiles on their faces.


	17. Chapter 16

“Kate,” He whispered gently as he sat down by her hip. “Kate. Wake up, sweetheart.” The term of endearment slipped, but thankfully she wasn’t coherent enough to hurt him. 

“Kate.” He said as he placed a kiss to her forehead. Her eyes blinked open and she grinned before closing them again. “Nope, up you go. Me and baby bird made dinner.” 

He reached down and helped her to sit u, but she winced and leaned heavily on him instead. Her head fell to his shoulder and her back flattened as she settled.   
“How are you feeling?” He prodded as took a minute to wrap his arms around her. 

“Hurts.” She breathed. 

“I know, but once you eat something I can give you some medicine, alright?” She nodded against him and he pulled the chair over to the side of the bed with one hand. The therapy from earlier had completely knocked her out and he knew that her whole body had to be sore from all the work she had done. 

He slowly eased off the bed, steadying her with his hands, and then scooped her up into his arms. She relaxed, fisted a hand in his shirt, and buried her face into his chest.   
He contemplated putting her in the chair, but it seemed like just a waste. He was just going to move her to the couch anyway and she looked so content right now and she hated the chair. It really didn’t take much to convince himself, and it’s not like she was in any shape to shoot him right now. Plus, it felt so good to be able to hold her and care for her. She was only going to allow this type of behavior for so much longer anyway, a few more months of therapy and she wouldn’t need his help at all. Yep, the chair was totally unnecessary. 

He leaned down and grabbed, what had quickly become, her favorite blanket and headed out the door. Her room was not far from the living room so it was no trouble at all. He reached the sectional couch and propped her up against the pillows on the vertical portion. 

She smiled gratefully as he covered her legs with a blanket. Finally he leaned over and planted a short, but sweet, kiss on her lips. 

“Be right back.” He promised as he headed for the kitchen. He passed Alexis who was carrying a steaming bowl and two waters from the kitchen. “Want to get the movie set up, pumpkin?” 

“Sure.” She replied as she set her dinner and the drinks on the coffee table. She went over to the complicated looking DVD player and began readying it for use. 

She was suddenly hit with the scent of macaroni and cheese and she realized just how hungry she was. 

“Macaroni and cheese for the lady.” Castle said he dramatically placed a bowl in her lap. Her pills and a glass of water were placed on the coffee table to her right and Castle sat, with his own bowl, to her right. “Star Wars okay with you, Detective?” 

The question was delivered lightly, but two pairs of expectant, blue eyes suddenly awaited her answer. She couldn’t help but feel like this was some sort of a test. 

“Of course! Original, prequel, or sequel?” Both pairs of blue eyes widened at her knowledge of the three trilogies. 

“I thought you didn’t own a TV?” Castle quipped. 

“Yes, because I don’t often have time for the ‘Housewives of Wherever the Heck They Live’ or ‘The Bachelorette’. But Star Wars is a whole different story!” She replied with an eye roll. He just stared at her with awe written all over his face. He wasn’t sure Kate Beckett could get any better, and she just had. 

She popped a spoonful of cheesy goodness into her mouth and turned her attention to the screen as the opening sequence played. 

“Staring is still creepy, Castle.” 

KBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBBKBKBKKBKBKBKBBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBBKBK

The movie was great as always, Star Wars never disappointed in the Castle household, and two of its spectators couldn’t get enough. It was just like old times. Quoting their favorite lines, acting out the fight scenes, and sitting at the edge of their seats. Of course after the first forty minutes they were content to sit back and just enjoy the film. It was all Castle had missed out on when they had watched the first one the other day. 

The third spectator was a different story. She ate more of her macaroni than Castle had expected and taken her pills without argument. He helped her into a more comfortable position during the first popcorn break and she had even eaten a handful of the salty treat, but no more than ten minutes later she was sound asleep. 

She woke up during a particularly intense scene and of course Castle noticed. He helped her readjust and kept their fingers interlocked as she fell asleep again. 

It was still early when their movie ended, but everyone was exhausted from their respective days. Alexis excused herself to work through some more Russian lessons with a kiss to her father’s cheek, leaving the two adults alone again. 

He let go of her hand and stood to take the popcorn and candy bowls back to the kitchen. She was awake when he returned. He peered down at her for a moment before joining her on the couch. He stretched out beside her and she tilted her head to rest on his shoulder. 

“Still tired?” He inquired. 

“Nah,” She replied “I’m good for a bit.” She had already slept most of the day away, and while she knew it was her bodies way of healing she couldn’t help but want to stay awake as long as possible. It was frustrating to not even be able to hold her eyes open for a two-hour movie. 

“I had a talk with Alexis today.” He began, and she squeezed his hand in response. “I told her about, well everything. It’s just that she’s been acting so strange lately and I was losing her and she said all these things about me treating her like a child and keeping things from her. I just felt like there was no other option but to tell her. I know it wasn’t my story to tell, but she deserved the truth and I didn’t tell her everything…” 

“Rick,” She said softly, use of his first name was enough to stop his rambling mid-sentence, “It’s okay, it’s okay that you told her. I’m actually glad you did so now I don’t have to.” He was stunned. “Look, Castle, Alexis is a huge part of your world and I get that. I understand that she is your number one priority and as such I knew that one day, probably sooner rather than later, we would have to have this conversation with her.

“I know how protective of you she is and I know how much you want to protect her. But if I’m going to be in her life as well, she would need to know the whole story. You don’t need my permission to tell our story, Castle, without you, there would be nothing to tell. Just a tragedy about a girl who lost herself down a rabbit hole and never returned. You changed the story, Castle, and you taught me to be more. 

“I guess I’ve never really said ‘Thank You’, so, thank you. Thank you for bringing me back, Rick.” 

He didn’t have any words to say. Richard Castle was truly and beautifully speechless, and only she could do that to him.

He pulled them both up to sit and cupped her cheek in his hand. He looked into her eyes and said the only word that would come to him in that moment: “Always.” 

His lips crashed over hers with an urgency that rivaled that day in the alley. What started off as a fire of need and passion, sizzled into a slow burn of love. When they finally came up for air, he pulled her closer. He was content to just hold her against him and feel her breathing against his chest. 

They sat for so long, chest to chest with her on his lap, that she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder. He knew she hated the fact that she couldn’t stay awake for extended periods of time, especially after a therapy session, but he was content to be her pillow for as long as she needed.

Eventually, though, he knew it was time to retire. He cradled her against him and stood with her in his arms. He carried her back to bed and tucked her in warmly, before placing a kiss on her head and retreating to his place on the couch. 

He gave her the space she deserved, but stayed close enough to catch her if she started to fall.


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! Thank you so much for your continued love and support! So this chapter has a time jump in it. It's just a few months and any big moments that happened in that time we will go back to in the next couple of chapters in the italic flashbacks! Enjoy!

The next few months flew by. Kate got stronger and stronger with each therapy session, Alexis got more lighthearted and comfortable around the new couple every day, and Rick got happier and happier that his girls were happy.

Martha had returned to the city only a few weeks after their arrival to pursue a new role. She was now on tour with a traveling Shakespeare company, which left the other three occupants of the Hampton’s house effectively without their comic relief.

At first, they all tiptoed on eggshells around each other. Rick and Kate not wanting to do something that might jeopardize their relationship. Alexis trying to find out where she fit in the new dynamic. Kate was trying to be strong while at the same time win Alexis over. And Rick just wanted everyone to be happy.

After about a week of that, everything changed. The eggshells were discarded and the group started actually functioning as a pretty dysfunctional family.

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_It was their third Star Wars movie night and the threesome had managed to create a pillow fort of impressive size. While this was a normal thing for the Castle clan, Kate had not had the pleasure of building a fort since she was 12._

_Kate had fallen asleep on the couch after her afternoon therapy session and had woken up in a completely constructed fort. They ate a light dinner consisting of sandwiches and potato chips. After they were finished, Castle collected everyone’s dishes and clean up, promising to return with dessert to start the movie. Alexis pulled out her book of Russian and began reading to spare them of an awkward conversation. She was happy for her father and she had seen how happy he had been lately. She wanted him to be happy, but she was still unsure of his partner._

_Part of her was scared to say the wrong thing and risk offending the Detective. Another large part of her was incredibly shy around the woman whom she had been so negative towards, even if Kate didn’t really know that. And there was that little tiny voice inside her that said that she was only there for her father and that Kate didn’t really want anything to do with her. She was a strong and successful woman, what could she possibly want to do with her boyfriend’s teenage daughter._

_Of course, the rational part of her knew that her thinking was very flawed. She knew that Detective Beckett was much different than any of her father’s other girlfriends. But to some degree she was still that little girl that watched her mother walk away and never look back. She was still the little girl who was crushed by the constant disappointment of her mother and who had never been accepted by anyone else in her dad’s life._

_“Хотите помочь?”_

_“What?” Alexis’ head whipped up when she heard the older woman speak._

_“Хотите помочь? Want some help?” the Detective smiled and gestured toward the book in her hands. “I can help you learn the language if you want.”_

_Alexis was still pretty shocked. Not only that the older woman had just spoken in perfect Russian, but that she had offered to help._

_“I mean not that you need help, but I only ever learned so much from a book and sometimes it helps if you have someone to talk to…” She trailed off and looked down at the pillow in her lap._

_“You speak Russian?” she replied, still a little bit thrown off. “Fluently?” She smiled as Kate looked up at her again._

_“Yeah, I spent a semester in Kiev during college. I went between junior and senior year. I learned the basics from a book like what you have, but it wasn’t until I actually started speaking and conversing that it became fluent.”_

_“Wow, you really are as extraordinary as Dad says.” Alexis breathed out, more to herself than the other woman. Kate blushed at the complement and went back to looking anywhere but at the young girl, but the weight of a book against her shoulder had her spinning around._

_“I could really use some help.” They smiled shyly at one another as Kate looked down to the page in front of her. “It’s just so confusing. The letters are completely different and the pronunciation is just…ugh….”_

_When Castle came back with his hands full of popcorn and ice cream he found them sitting much closer together than he had ever seen them. They were both leaned over the book in Beckett’s hands as they repeated words to each other through their laughter. Kate’s clear and practiced words followed by Alexis’ attempt and a fit of laughter had him pausing to watch the scene unravel._

_Kate was the first to notice him, always the detective, she looked up at him discretely and shot him the widest smile he had seen on her in a while, before returning her eyes to the book. He watched for a few more seconds before he made his presence known._

_“Who’s ready for some Star Wars?” Both girls head’s shot up and smiled at him as Alexis closed the book and scooted back to where her sleeping bag was. Castle came in, distributed the food, and went to configure the DVD player._

_“Thank you, Kate.” He heard Alexis murmur quietly._

_“Anytime, Alexis.” Came the reply._

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Over the next few months Kate and Alexis had become friends. It started out as just the Russian language, but soon it progressed to lounging by the pool, wardrobe opinions, and book recommendations. It was still pretty tentative from both sides, but the foundation was there and it just became stronger every day.

That’s what lead to the seating arrangements today. They were heading back to the city so that Alexis could return to school and they could begin to get their lives back to some sort of normal. He had helped Kate to the car and opened the front door only to be met with protest.

She insisted on riding in the back with Alexis so they could converse in Russian on the way back. Apparently it was ‘imperative that they fully immerse themselves in the language’ for Alexis to really pick up on the vocabulary. He feigned hurt for being left out of their plans for the ride, but secretly loved that they were so involved in something together. Every time he say them together his heart slammed in his chest.

This was what he was looking for. He had wanted a family for Alexis ever since Meredith had walked out. It was part of the reason he had married Gina, that and the publicity wasn’t bad either. He wanted some stability and a more female influence on her life. His mother was great with Alexis, but he knew that a part of the girl needed someone on the other side of forty. He only wished that he had met Kate Beckett sooner so that maybe she could have helped them through the tween crises and first heartbreaks. He knew the pair would probably never have a true mother/daughter bond, and he didn’t expect them to. They did have a friendship that he hoped would continue.

He knew that Kate Beckett was it for him and he was it for her. Having Alexis fully on board just made it easier to commit.

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_After they watched their movie, deconstructed their fort, and seen Alexis off to bed, the couple decided to spend some time in Beckett’s garden. The little porch that attached to her room had become their favorite spot when the stars were bright above them._

_They were all cuddled up in the oversized, plush lounge chair just enjoying each other’s company when Castle decided to start a conversation that had been weighing on his mind for a while._

_Their relationship was still very new, only about a week and two days to be exact, but he still felt like they should talk about where they saw their lives going. Not just together, but separately as well. They had a few brief conversations about what they meant to each other and they both loved each other, but other than that it had mostly been light conversations and talking about their pasts before they met one another._

_“Hey, Kate?” He starts before he is really sure how to start this conversation._

_“Yeah.” She replies, looking up at him from where she lays beside him, fingers intertwined. He wishes that they could full on cuddle more often, she has already admitted to being a cuddler, but her back is still pretty banged up and therapy only makes it worse. Eventually it will cease to be an issue, but for now they try to not aggravate it any more than they need to. Of course, sometimes they get a few minutes to hold each other tightly if she is upset and he can no longer take it or if a pain pill does an abnormally good job on her._

_“I have been thinking…”_

_“Always a dangerous pastime for you.” She quips. He chuckles, glad that she is in a particularly good mood for this._

_“Haha, yes. Well, in any case, I’ve been thinking and I think we need to have a serious discussion about our future. I know we’ve said that we are both in this for the long term, but as you’ve pointed out it’s not quite that simple anymore.” She reached out her hand for him, her signal for wanting to sit up. She wanted to be able to fully look at him for this. He sat up and helped her sit up as well. Puling the lever on the side of the chair so that the back would come up to support her. When they were both situated he took her hands and began again._

_“You don’t have to decide on anything tonight, it’s just somethings that we need to eventually decide.” She squeezed his hands to show that she understood and he continued. “For example, where are we going to live?” She didn’t miss the use of ‘we’._

_“I know you love your apartment, but is it really conducive to the situation? You don’t have to get rid of it or you can lease it out to someone, or you can sell it, or you can live in it. But the fact is that you can’t live alone for the foreseeable future, and the truth is I don’t want to live without you anymore. I want to be able to take care of you and watch over you. “We don’t have to live in the loft either, we can find somewhere else that we both like or we can wait a year, until Alexis is done with school, and we can move out here. I want to do whatever makes you comfortable. Again you don’t have to decide tonight.”_

_“I have been thinking about that too. I mean, how could I not? I don’t really have an answer for you right now, but I don’t really want to live without you there either, Castle. I thought that I would be tired of you after a few weeks of constant contact, and I’m not saying that the day I get annoyed isn’t coming, but I’m not tired of you and I only want you around more now.” She was almost whispering when she got to the end and her eyes were cast downward. She was making a real effort to be open and honest, but she was still very much out of her element here. He put his fingers under her chin and pulled it up so that she was looking into his eye. He smiled and pulled her in for a short, loving kiss._

_“That’s all I needed to hear, Kate, and for the record, I don’t think I could ever get tired of you.” She smiled at him and he continued. “And there is the matter of your job. I know that you will never be out on the streets again, but do you have any interest going back to the precinct. You could be a profiler or a part-time consultant, you could work at the academy, or you could use this to go back and do something else. You could go back to college and get a law degree, or anything else you want really._

_“Or if you don’t want to do any of that, you can stay home. You don’t have to work anymore. One of the reasons I love what I do is because I can afford to provide for my family and you’re my family, Kate. I can take care of you for the rest of your life and you can take up cooking or gardening or whatever else has fallen to the wayside because of your job.” This particular subject was harder for Kate to come to terms with. This was something she had been trying to avoid thinking about. She really did love her job, and even if she did go back now, she would never be able to do it like she used to. Everything would be completely different and there was no way to change that._

_“I don’t know, Castle.” This time it wasn’t shyness. She looked like a little girl, so vulnerable and broken. He knew it was a hard subject for her, but they couldn’t ignore it forever. “I really just don’t know.”_

_“Hey. It’s okay, Kate. I didn’t mean to upset you. You don’t have to decide right now, you have all the time in the world, okay. It’s just something we need to keep in mind.” She nodded her head and he wrapped his arms around her to pull her close for a few moments. She relaxed into him and let her head rest on his shoulder._

_“It’s okay, Castle. I’m okay. I’m just not ready to tackle that particular subject yet.” He pulled back and made sure she was comfortably resting on the chair before he spoke again._

_“I just want to make sure that we know where the end goal is. I want to make sure that you get the life you deserve. You deserve the world, Kate, and I want to give it to you.” Her breath caught at his omission and her heart thumped in her chest. This sweet, sweet man. He had done so much for her and he was always so intent on making the people he cared about happy._

_“I was always so sure of what I wanted, Castle. Before you came into my life I wanted to become Captain and find my mother’s murderer more than anything else. I barely took any time off and I was intent on eventually moving up the ladder. After I met you, I realized how much I loved my job. I was having a little more fun and I decided that I was content where I was for a little while longer, but Captain was still my end goal. You showed me how to have fun, smile, and you showed me that bringing justice was enough for now._

_“Then, recently, I had other plans for my life. The end goal wasn’t Captain anymore.” She took a deep breath and lost a little bit of her confidence before spilling her heart to him._

_“I saw a white dress and a little girl and you know, life.” He knew the effort it took for her to open up to him and he was so happy in that moment. “And now, I’m not sure that will ever happen for us.”_

_He was so happy with her confession that he almost missed what she said next. He lifted her face to see tears pooling in her eyes. He could tell she was trying to hold back, but the sadness and frustration was there. He sat back beside her and then moved her so that she was sitting on his thighs, facing him, and pulled her down to him. They sat pressed against each other chest to chest as she broke down._

_He knew how hard this was for her. Her whole life had been shattered and there was no way to pick up all of the tiny pieces. He let her cry for as long as she needed. She had been holding back a lot of emotions and he knew there was a lot of things she was hiding behind a mask of bravery and courage. This was just a little part of it._

_“And the craziest part is, I didn’t even really know that’s what I wanted until they told me it would never happen.” She sighed as the tears dried up and her breathing regulated._

_“I know, Kate. I know. We will get married, though. Hell, I would marry you tomorrow if I thought you were ready. I would scoop you up and drive you to City Hall so fast.” She smiled a little at that._

_“No, when we do this. Not if, but when we do this. We are going to do it right. Diamond ring, white dress, family and friends, it’s going to be so magical. Nothing is going to take that away from us. And this is 2015. There is more than one way to have a family. There’s surrogacy and adoption and we can foster a house full of children if that’s what you want._

_“I don’t want you thinking so hopelessly, Kate. You’re going to get stronger and we’re going to be together, the rest is just details. And the details always have a way of sorting themselves out, alright?” She nodded her head and then snuggled up close to him, resting her head in the crook of his neck._

_They were still sitting face to face and he wrapped his arms tighter around her. Her back was relatively straight and she was completely relaxed, so she wasn’t in any pain. He was glad for that fact because he really just wanted to hold her all night long._

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He had held her all night that night. It was one of the best nights he could remember. They hadn’t spoken about weddings or babies since then. They both decided that it was way too early to be talking about it anyway and just put it off for the future, when things all settled down again.

The housing situation had been decided, after a lot of deliberation and borderline dispute. They decided that the loft was good enough for now and that they would move the necessities over from her apartment and slowly move the rest over throughout the fall. There were some concerns about the loft, the stairs being the main one. And they both knew in the back of their minds that eventually moving would be inevitable, but it was silently agreed upon to cross that bridge when it became necessary. No one wanted to uproot Alexis or Martha, and familiar surroundings sounded comforting for now.

The job options were still a hot topic and nothing had been decided, though it felt like there were a hundred options. Everything from teaching to spy had been put on the table, and while some were mentioned in jest there was still a lot to consider.

For now they were all excited to be on the road to New York City and back to whatever their new normal would become.

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter will dive deeper into our story! I hope you are enjoying it and I would love to hear from you!


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